Oooh chile
It has been a minute
Sista’s plate has been full of late
Balancing that master’s degree with work and motherhood
Plus – that dissertation is working the one last
Tired ass nerve she is pimping

I hear you sis – Ms. Ego has been her companion
On her life walk these past months
Now Hardliner knows that chick gats issues
And at present she and Ms. Menopause get on like a house on fire
You could say that they conjoined twins
And if Hardliner is honest – she kinda likes the vybe
Cause she can be irascible and blame it on menopause
But then there are those days when dem two bitches
Are too extra for a sista and she gats to crawl back to God
Pleading for peace and forgiveness
It is like she is constantly slaying her Ego and the bitch
Keeps resurrecting – no matter how many magnesium capsules
Hardliner keeps popping

Heffa – you know I make life interesting –

No shit – Hardliner mutters – the sharp edge of frustration
Threatening to cut her up like a Samurai sword
This aint good – sista is aware that she is not in a good space
Far away from holy spirit
And she is too tired to …

Ok little girl – pick yourself up
Pull out that fly-ass sabre of yours and slay Ms. Ego

Ms. Almah’s voice cuts through the thick menopausal fog clogging up her mind
The fire-breathing-earth quake-wielding woman
Brings a peace with her that Hardliner reaches for
Clinging to it like a life raft
The Earth Mother guide offers a gentle smile in her telepathic eyes

Can eyes pimp telepathy – Hardliner veers off track – more like
A path of deflection – cause she don’t like the way
The red robed Almah reads her internal landscape like a novel
Aint no secret she cant ferret from Hardliner’s soul – that place beyond her gut

When last have you been there baby

Hardliner senses the change in direction
She don’t like where the Earth Mother is going with this

When was the last time you got still and check in with yourself

Well a sista has been keeping company with Ms. Menopause and Ms. Ego
So unfortunately – she has not been able to call in with that wellness check

But long live the sass – Almah responds
Her eyes devouring Hardliner’s emotional struggle
Mind that raft of yours – she adds in an offhanded way
It don’t look like it will hold up in all this here water

What? Hardliner asks nonplussed – then sheer panic hits her
Oh hell no!
Ms. Almah – you are kidding me
Yall know a sista don’t do water
Yall know she cant swim

Doggy paddle baby while you hold on to that life raft
It does look kinda shabby

Sista gurl – spluttering curses and splattering sea water from her mouth
Manically clings to that dingy looking raft as fear has her in a choke hold

Why not let go baby – your chances at survival would be better
Almah offers – seemingly supernaturally buoyed on that water
It gats a dark greenish tint to it that screeches abyss
And this heffa wants her to let go – like aint she black

What part of a sista can’t swim does she not understand

It is like she is being punished for not keeping up with her inner work
But inner work is hard when you gats Menopause all up in your digs
Wanting to party like it is 1999

Jump off the Menopause boat Boo
And dive into dem waters anyway
This is a right of passage in Womanhood
You are being transformed into an elder stateswoman
You are inhabiting new skin – new purpose – new vision
You need to roll with your deep waters

Hot Sahara flushes – tempestuous mood swings
Brain clogged with dense menopausal fog
Anxiety that regularly rolls up on her like a drive-by
Plus she done lost her word play swagger as most times
A sista loses her flow in mid-sentence – mind blown and blank
Forgetting what she was about to say
And sometimes she don’t even want to be around her own dayumed self
Hardliner feels tired from trying to stay afloat on the dingy raft
Why does life have to be a constant struggle
Her finances gats her in a choke hold
Yeh – maybe she gats some blame in all this
But her peanut salaried job aint doing her no favours
And she feels like she just does not have the emotional
Mental and physical fortitude to deal with dem bad-assed
Secondary school kids no more
And it’s a 24/7 job trying to keep hold of her faith
Cause some days prayer feels flat
Whilst other days she is slain in the spirit

Umph – Hardliner’s gut drops to her little toe as the raft wobbles
Whilst she tenuously balances on its flimsy frame
Uumph – she just feels foreign in her own skin
She is tired of this mundane – broke existence

Let go baby – Almah says gently

But I cant …

No chile – you don’t know anything
You just might surprise yourself
Why are you holding on to something that does not serve you
Who are you in this situation baby girl

Hardliner frantically looks about her – for a way out
Knowing that all she gats going for her is this here dark green abyss
If she lets go she aint gonna wade
A bitch gon sink in its bottomless depths
The sky is rocking grey clouds – and the sun well
She aint seen that heffa in a while
Who is she in this moment – scared!

Let go chile! – the command is sharp now
Hardliner notices that the fiery Earth Mother guide
Is in the water – waiting – to usher her into elder statehood like a doula
Sista feels the urge to let go but fear holds her back

Greater is he that is in me than him that is in the world –
Almah – gon hit her with a bible verse – Gawd-dayum
Breathe Baby – instead of pimping that woe is me tale
Celebrate who you are – even with that Sahara flush heating your insides
And the anxiety crippling your progress and snuffing out your joy
Celebrate new beginnings – laughter – strength – faith – sisterhood
Celebrate that you are cancer free –
Doggonit – celebrate that you have ascended your throne
And holding space for your elder statehood
You have earned every one of your 53 years Boo
Celebrate that – now get off this pitiful raft
And walk out on this here water like you were Peter
You gon come to Jesus walking like he already healed you

The power of Spirit never fails to floor Hardliner
Cause sista cannot for the life of her remember how she did it
She got off that raft and Jesus met her on that water
When she feared Menopause would most definitely drown her
Hardliner discovered not only could she swim its dark deep depths
But a sista could strut on water – and still look fly doing it!

Menopause try me
Bitch I wish you would!

That tongue – Almah admonishes

Look everybody and their mama knows Sista’s tongue gats some tang to it
But gurlfriend is still a work in progress