Get up!
It’s that voice again
Very insistent – veering towards pugnacity
But sista aint gats no fight left in her
All mopped out – all screamed out
And too dayum tired to give a shit
So her ass gon stay face down on her earth

Get up!

Umph – Hardliner closes her eyes in a bid to ignore
The sharp command that spurs an energy of urgency in her being

Still – the numbing fatigue takes centre stage at present
She muses – the more things have changed in her life
The more they appear to have stayed the same
A quick pang of – Gawd – she don’t know what exactly
But she does acknowledge a feeling of hopelessness
That is more than a bloody pang –
It has interwoven itself into the fabric of that numbing fatigue
How does one fix what’s broken when some of the pieces are lost
Fixing herself has been her life’s mission for the past 3 decades
Without much success
And right about now an up-to-date catalogue of her failures
Is presented to her by the negative voice that lives in her shadow world
Sista sighs emphatically – thinking that there was a time
When joy used to resonate in her soul – even when things were dicey
But of late the heffa has been getting her groove on elsewhere
She left after one too many mop ups
Hardliner’s eye begins to twitch – cause all she has been doing
Is mopping up her inner girl mess – with her adolescent self – aka Dewdrop
Bringing the latest dramedy to her centre stage
Ooooooh sista could feel the sweet rise of a woe-is-me rant
Which is giving her all the flavour of fried chicken with mac and cheese
And she gon just add that sitting around the mopey Dewdrop
Is as enjoyable as trying to hold in a fart that she gats
To let out bit by bit until it becomes untenable

Get up! –
That energy of urgency is kicking up a storm in Hardliner’s gut

Uggghhhhhhhhh – someone muzzle that thing!

Get up!

Now she can’t even taste the soul food no more
Angry winds are also thugging her valley
And her singing hills have gone mute
And a sista is tired
And pissed awf
And scared
But more scared than pissed awf
Hardliner takes a deep breath whilst acknowledging
That fear has highjacked her world for the last year
Yeh she gats anxiety issues
But underneath it all – fear has been the master
A master vampire that has been sucking the life out of her
Joy took one look at that vampire and fled
How can she fix this?
Her fixing skills are shit
Desperation incites a trickle of acid in her gut
Which intensifies the churning
What to do – what to do – what to do
She asks herself as she rings her fingers anxiously

Obey chile
Ms Renna appears – garbed in golden robes
That seem to have life moving through them
With a twinkle in her eyes and a smile tugging
The corners of her mouth she says – take deep a breath
Then take another – and another
And whilst you do this – get up off the ground
You are a Queen

Get up daughter!

With the whistling winds swirling around her
Hardliner could still hear the imperious command
And this time it resonates in her being like a clap of thunder
Oya – Goddess of change and transition has had enough
Gentle parenting hardheaded nappy haired negros aint her style
Last time she rolled up on Hardliner – she commandeered
Sista gurl’s centre stage and burned it to ashes

I would listen to her if I were you
Another voice permeates the chaos and Hardliner groans in recognition

Ms. Almah – rocking her customary red robes
Watches her charge rise to her feet
Finally – she states with a hint of steel in her voice
Your Queen is standing – now handle your business

Hardliner surrenders – all she is in this moment
In doing so clarity enters her dome like a supple sunrise
In the light of day she acknowledges that fear has been
The root of her issues with procrastination, indiscipline – disobedience
Fear has made her fragile and indecisive
Her dance with self-doubt is also choreographed by fear
And right about now she can’t help but to notice its ascent
Up her throat like bile
How can she not feel hopeless in this moment

Then allow yourself to feel it
Baby it is what you do with this feeling that matters
Rennah is at her side – her hand rubbing circles on her back
You can certainly feel more than one thing in a single moment
Placing your focus on negativity only amplifies fear

I feel scared Ms. Rennah
And I cant fix it
Hardliner confesses in a whisper
Like when grown folks talk about sensitive shit
In the presence of their kids

First thing baby gurl – you can’t fix jack
That is what prayer is for – this is why you pray
The Earth mother replies gently

And many a prayer starts with ‘fix it Jesus’
Almah adds smoothly and Hardliner offers a wry smile
What is it you truly fear baby – the red robed earth mother
Asks intently as Ms. Rennah continues to rub circles on her back
What knocked all the air out of your inner Queen
You cannot claim victory over your situation
Without facing it
Handle your business
Though Oya’s winds have abated – they have been supplanted by
Almah’s bullish energy which charges the atmosphere
She takes Hardliner’s hand in hers and looks into her eyes
I see you baby
I see the Queen in you
You are so much more than this
Whether you chose to believe it or not

Hardliner lets the tears fall

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed –
The Earth Mother continues – quoting scripture and joined by Rennah
For I am your God
I will strengthen you – yes I will help you
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Hardliner takes in a deep breath
Feet firmly planted on her earth
Shoulders squared
She acknowledges that she lives in fear that the cancer will come back
It has sucked almost all of her peace and joy
This thing is over her head 24/7
She is scared of death
Sista breaths deeply again – and again – and again
Until she rises up to meet the more that Almah told her she is
In the quiet of this moment Sweet Chile and Dewdrop approach
Flanking her sides in solidarity – each holding her hand
It’s going to be alright – Dewdrop offers with a smile – the first ever
And she will take that
I have been a bitch to you Dewdrop – I am sorry
Please forgive me – Hardliner offers
She is gifted another smile from her adolescent self
Dayum – it’s like winning the lottery –
She reaches for the mop and bucket and handles her business
Sometime later as Hardliner lounges on her patio
Her sky rumbles and ominous grey clouds stealthily encroach its azure blue
Dewdrop sniffs the air knowingly – a storm is coming she mutters
Hardliner notices that the wind has picked up again
Shit!