Not to look a gift horse in the mouth
But Hardliner can’t help but to wince at the
Unfolding story before her with trepidation
Cause since sista gurl has stepped into her griot era
She will have to tell that shit – knowing that there
Are a seemingly plethora of gastritis inducing stories
Germinating in her gut – to work their holy ordained magic
In leading her into the highest version of gerbringing her into her higher self
These stories bring uncomfortable truths to light
And Ms. Griot will admit that she feels the innate urge
To avoid the light like a vampire
In this present moment Hardliner acknowledges that
Self-preservation is that bitch – keeping her in a stasis where
She is content to put up with the gastritis devouring her gut

Interrupt the pattern baby gurl – set the truth free

Hardliner sighs at the appearance of Ms. Rennah
A vision in golden robes carrying a whiff of a melody that is indiscernible
Yet her rolling hills carry its current – remaining out of reach
To Hardliner – adding to her frustration

You cant acquiesce to God – hands outstretched with balled fists chile
Thanksgiving involves full surrender – even at times when
Your stories call for you to inhabit a place of discomfort

Hardliner takes a moment to centre herself
Then comes into alignment with this breakthrough
The vestiges of resistance falling away bringing sobriety to her dome
She surveys her landscape – verdant hills and grasslands greet her
With a calm solemnity that matches the heaviness she has carried in her chest
In response to the friction in her relationship with her adult daughter
Yep – her baby is almost twenty and wielding discernment
With the efficiency of a Samurai with a daisho sword
Basically – Hardliner’s daughter has called her out on her bullshit
And being Ego’s bitch Hardliner has been very resistant to
Doing a deep clean of her internal mess
The uncomfortable truth in this story is that Hardliner is defensive
When being challenged on her flaws
Sista finds it hard to admit when she is in the wrong
And it is working a number on her daughter’s mental health
Moreover she finds it scary to inhabit a place of honesty
When communicating with her child
Navigating these waters during pre-adolescence was a piece of cake
But now with adulthood they are rough as a mutha-fucker!
Her daughter asked her pointedly if Hardliner knew anything about her
Which is a freaking loaded question –
Since sista knows everything yet nothing at all
She rubs her chest as the heaviness in her heart makes it hard to breathe
This is some Sweet Chile mess Hardliner assumes
There is condemnation in her spirit towards her inner chile
Who cowers behind Ms. Rennah

Shit

Hardliner’s frustration abates a little upon catching
The hurt and fear emanating from Sweet Chile
Where is that do better part from when you know better
And Hardliner knows she is better than this
She is in reactive mode – as usual being rash to hold a defensive stance
When her failings are exposed


Why is that chile

Instinctively Hardliner reaches for I don’t know
And she catches the smell of deflection all up in it
So instead of running from the light – sista steps into it
As if on queue to her acquiescence that indiscernible melody
Carried by her rolling hills has become a full-bodied – ‘More than able’
The gospel worship song showering her grasslands with praise and thanksgiving

Now I see all that I have
Oh, I’ve got my confidence back
I’ll put my trust in the One who still does miracles
You do miracles
You are more than able (yeah, hey)
You are more than able (yes, you are)
You are more than able
We’ve seen it, we’ve seen it

Here we go – Spirit is trying to tell her something
Hardliner does note an ease in her body
Like rusty joints loosened after being oiled
She beckons to Sweet Chile from underneath the skirts of Ms. Rennah
I am sorry Sweetz – I was mean – please forgive me
Hardliner’s inner child approaches tentatively – hope blazing in her eyes
Hardliner feels ashamed because she treats her inner child
With irritation that borders on contempt
And yet the child is still forgiving and hopeful that
Her older self will finally accept her –
Enfold her in an unconditional loving embrace
They have come close but then Hardliner has not fully
Reconciled with Sweet Chile in a way that heals her from the inside out
Sweet Chile is that uncomfortable truth of self-violence and self-abandonment
That Hardliner practices – manifesting in her relationship with her daughter

Lawd have mercy – Hardliner clutches her chest
A bitch cannot breath

Yes you can chile – Ms. Almah becomes corporeal
Right before her eyes – head wrapped in a fiery red cloth
Purpose emanates from her in waves – the Earth Mother is on a mission
We gon deal today chile – with your self-loathing and self-abandonment issues

Self-loathing – wait – she will not go that far

You aint gon far enough little girl
What makes you treat the little girl inside you with cruelty

Hardliner remembers Sweetz as headstrong – creative – sunny
But she also remembers feeling like a bad child
Aways being reminded that little girls are seen but not heard
Sweet Chile was loud – sassy and she gave salt for sugar
She received reprimands as judgements against her
That illuminated her failures as a good little girl
Thus – when called out her first response was defensive
And required justification for her behaviour to avoid feeling bad about herself
Jesus – Hardliner whispers in disbelief
As an adult – she caried Sweet Chile’s fears of being perceived as
Being imperfect or bad in her need to avoid admitting her failings
While rejecting Sweetz and denying her story

Hardliner looks at her inner chile through eyes blurred by tears
Mirroring the tears in Sweet Chile’s large eyes
The poor chile is shaking – and Hardliner cant help but
See her daughter in Sweet Chile in this moment
She sees how she invalidates her daughter just to hold on
To her mindset of being right
Hardliner realises that this tears down her daughter who is
Remarkably intuitive in insightful
And maybe there is some of Ego’s poison mixed in all this
After all the alpha female being humbled by her daughter
Can put Ms. Ego on life support

Is this how you see it – Ms. Rennah gently asks
As the sent of sage and wild jasmine infuse the air
Hardliner looks up with tear stained cheeks
To see the Earth Mother guiding the scented smoke with a feather
Around Hardliner’s space
Although guilt is eating her right about now
The sage and jasmine combo has begun to ease the heaviness in her chest
Her rolling hills are still in worship working
Through deep tissue healing on Hardliner –

…’Cause I know who I am
But I can’t stay where I’m at, oh
We’ve come this far by faith
Oh, yes, we have
And I just can’t turn back
‘Cause He’s not done with me yet
He’s not done with me yet
There’s so much more to this story

Keep breathing – Ms. Almah coaches
Pull the breath of new life into your lungs
Expel your story in every exhale
God aint done with you chile
You can fix this – there is more to your story
In fact you are an unfolding story

Hardliner and Sweet Chile hold hands
With Dewdrop – her fifteen year old self in a circle
Hardliner takes inventory of Dewdrop and for the first time
Sista does not wince from discomfort
Dewdrop is a mess all by herself but sista is in the light
And she cannot hide from this uncomfortable truth
She gon deal with this and be done cause she gats a new era
Awaiting for her to walk into