High Queen Chronicles: The thing with perfection

Standard

Is it still good to ya…does it feel alright
Awww sookie soookie nah
Now that is old school
Aint no one can bring it like Teddy “Turn off the Lights” Pendergrass
The young blood these days don’t gats that kinda flow
Wooing a sista with their lick it and suck it lyrics
In fact they gats to circle the Universe twice ova
To pull out a ballad like Luther – Marvin or Big Barry
Well – except D’Angelo though
That brutha is a beast!
Putting down his “Brown Sugar”
In places Hardliner never knew she had
Ooooooooh and don’t let her get to thinking about “Send it On”
Now that is the song right here – the one song
That could make a sista do some real freaky …
Umph – Lawd Jesus
Her mind has already begun to ride D’Angelo’s “Voodoo” waves
And if she don’t snatch herself up right quick
She gon be vacationing in “I wants me Some Ville”
Heyul – she may be already there
So she takes a couple of deep breaths
To dissipate the potent energy of the love jones
Creeping into her dome – bones –  and eh – certain crevices

Sister!
Hatshepsut’s austere tone cuts into
Her ‘Send it On’ vybe like a whiplash
Ohhh – sorry about that sister
But don’t act like you aint never been there
Like Senenmut never put the thang on you real good
To make you wanna climb walls and shit – eh pardon me
That architect built you the world
But I’d bet you treasured his love jones more than his temples
Hardliner is still high on her D’Angelo ‘Voodoo’ brew
She’s neither here or there about overstepping her bounds
With the steely-eyed Grand High Queen – and who if she is not mistaken
Has a bit of a mischievous twinkle in her eye

You were saying sister

Huh – oh yeah
Does her Lion of nearly seventeen years – Gawd dayum
Still feel good to her
A long ass amount of time for committed coupledom these days
FYI – in dog years that would be 80 plus years man
Can nobody tell her that after 80 years and counting
They can still remember the newness of love
When hardcore butterflies would put a beat down on the stomach
At the mere thought of their Boo
Or that they can actually reach –
Waaaaaaay past the aridity of their abandoned coochie
And waaaaay beyond love’s dawn to mindless infatuation –
To recall the times of dropping it hawt – heavy and humid on a brutha
Anywhere – anyhow – anytime on reflex
Cause they were a slave to his swag
After eighty dayum years down the road
Dang – she can’t seem to get past the 7 year itch –
Eh – way before marriage pulled a jihad on Planet Hardliner
Now it is more the case of “me Tarzan – you Jane”
Instead of ‘Love won’t let me wait’– Luther V. style
To wrought a biblical flood on her arid wasteland
Umph – yes Lawd!

And Eden would be blissful once more sister?

There it is – that cute twinkle – sparkling up her eyes
Like a starry blitz lighting up the Cushite sky
But that cute little twinkle gats a little mock to it too

After your biblical flood – would everything be perfect? -she asks

Whooooosh – just like that
Her Send it On fantasies evaporate in a sudden sweeping wind
That carries the grit of her uncomfortable truth
Dragging her – kicking and screaming into reality
Albeit her back is up – she resists the urge to sass the Queen
First awf – she don’t want no snake zinging her heels
The Senenmut jibe was her only get outta jail free card
But really she IS learning that doing better avoids unnecessary pain
In the spirit of doing better – when she knows better
Hardliner conducts an inner probe as to why
Her internal alarm of run nigger run – has been activated
And realizes that the mere mention of her issue with perfection
Triggers her need to bolt like a runaway slave

Dang that “do better”

A few therapy sessions back with her Irates
They asked her what was it that she strived for
And after much painful resistance she blurted out perfection
Which she rejected right away
Cause nobody but Jes-us was perfect

But it came from you sister
It came from a place of clarity
Why do you strive for perfection
It offers no space for growth or evolution
It is the order of life for human beings to
Be in a constant state of evolution

Right now her internal alarm is blasting eardrum busting decibels
Run nigger run is in effect
Hardliner would have never claimed outright to be a perfectionist
Commonsense tells her that there is no such thing
But its claim on her soul has been covert
Going unnoticed while doing its dirt in her life
Right now it is choking her progress through her resistance
To shine the light of truth on its clandestine operations
But she does not waver – let’s do this

What does it mean to be perfect sister

Well – she does not have to face criticism
Cause if  sista gon do something – it gats to be saturated
Dayum near dripping wet with perfection
There aint no room for error or kinks

You mean sister – no room for judgment
Disapproval – censure – unconstructive criticism
To remind you or rather to affirm your belief of self-lack
And to take away your likeability points with people

BAM!

Oh no she did not go there
Hit the dayum nail on the head
A bit harsh there sister
And you be playing twinkle – twinkle little star
All up in your eyes
Whilst I writher in this – this –

Uncomfortable place of being?
Hatshepsut suggests – her eyes alight with wisdom
Inhabiting your space is not always pleasant Hardliner
It takes courage and humility to acknowledge
All the lies and myths you believe to be true about yourself
Hopefully you will come to live in the truth
That you are perfectly imperfect
That you are LOVE – you are ENOUGH
You do not need constant validation for the things you do
From persons who really have no bearing in your world
Why give away your love and effort away like some catchpenny gift
You will learn one day sister
That you cannot come into your shining as a people pleaser
When you cater to other people’s agendas
You are operating outside yourself
Trading your needs and emotional well being
For the very things you have within you

Hardliner realizes that she has basically
Governed her Queendom from a weakened position
But she so wants to reach a space where she tastes
That sweet freedom buoying her wings
The freedom to be anything and everything
And to hell with what people think
A thing Hardliner acknowledges will test the stuff she is made of
Still – the latest ah ha moment to rock her dome
Has not deactivated her run nigger run internal alarm
Hardliner goes through a listing in her head
Of areas offering a shit load of emotional pain
That she would have to face in claiming her freedom from people pleasing

Successful thrones do not just spring up like daisies
Blooming without adversity
Neither do they reek of enchanted Disney fairy-tales
No sister – they are created by the blood and sweat of war
Dread and determined – against your old ways of being
In order to come into your authentic self

Yeh – that is what doing better
Will do for you Hardliner muses
Well at least she gats Luther and his love jones crew
To send her on frequent vacations

About that sister – I-wants-me-Some Ville
Does not appear to reconcile with your reality
Wanting and getting are two different things
Don’t you want to change this situation?

Oh Heyul no no she didn’t
Hardliner don’t like where Hatshepsut is taking this
Cause she can smell a bloody and sweaty breakthrough in the air
Sister High Queen’s twinkle aint cute no more
And it’s working her last nerve

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