High Queen Chronicles: Woman in progress

Standard

Are you ready to look into your mirror sister
You will not break
A daughter of the Great I am cannot break

These words jar in her dome
Branching out into spasms throughout her body
Their deadliest concentration within her centre
Existing purely at a cerebral level aint nothing
But an experience of life from the neck up
Magic only happens when a truth sown in the mind
Is birthed in the soul
In other words – you gats to acknowledge it then feel it
For any healing to take place
Now Hardliner is a head and neck gal

She used to be a runner too
But her house slave is living her freedom song now

In order for you to belt yours too

Ah yes – Hatshepsut – can’t forget her
With her indomitable presence
Funking up her dome with the scent of royal purple
Lawd – her eyes are doing that twinkling thing again
The last time they spoke – sister gurl ended up on her knees
In just a most pitiful state

And yet you did not break
The queen states

No she didn’t
But sweat and snot aint pretty
Yeh – she knows queens don’t ascend their thrones
Powdered – primped and pristine like Snow White
Most come up through the dirt and grime of their life
Bloodied and bruised – near broken but all the wiser
To sit on their thrones like Grand Dame Queen beasts!
As sister Jill puts it
But right now she is here in this space of transformation
Her Queen is rising and Hardliner – the head and neck gal
Has to reach deep – dig right down to the pit of her dirty
To heal her mama and marriage wounds
Oooooooh lawd –

Peace – be still

Yeh – in the eye of a freaking sand storm
Oya is doing some tribal dance here

She is celebrating your queen’s imminent arrival

Outta all her whoop ass lessons – marriage has given the worst
Beating her until comatose
And every time she thinks she’s come out of it
She is bitch slapped right back into the coma
And so she has taken to laying there
Afraid to even open one eye to avoid its unspeakable discipline

One of the ways in which you run from unpleasant situations
The ancient pharaoh pointedly states

And Hardliner will take that – it is what it is
Marriage has brought to the surface deep seated issues
That carry a hell lot of pain
It has forced her to look into her internal mirror for answers
One in particular – how to love herself unconditionally
Lawd knows she aint there yet
Marriage – that unholy – holy institution
Is slowly and painfully making a woman out of her
She is a woman in progress who entered marriage green
Full of self doubt and without boundaries
Without a dayum deal breaker – an emotional prenup
Sista gurl was clueless to the storm brewing within
And set up shop on the Snow White model
That chick got her happily ever after – why not Hardliner

Why not sister – when you said
“Aint no man I trust enough to come through for me”

She winces – from the bite of her words on her ass
Yeh – she did say that – but it was taken outta context
Cause she lay blame right on daddy’s doorstep
By asking “daddy where were you?”
Clearly a daddy issue

Baring fruit as mistrust of men
And still you married one
You are operating from the neck up sister
It is time to feel those cerebral vibrations in your soul

Yeh – she has made her husband pay for her daddy issues
That aint fair – but he aint Prince Charming either

Who says that he wants to be your Prince Charming sister
Did you tell him that he had to fulfill that role
When you signed the papers
Or that you just expected him to fall in line with
Your enchanted Disney princess fairy tale

Hey – hey – hey there
Like you on a role mama
Hatshepsut is alluding to her Snow White complex
Brought to her attention by her Irates a while back

“Every little girl dreams of being a princess
Especially those little girls whose daddies never
Told them they were special and beloved
Many a woman – no matter how damaged and bitter
They may be about men – harbor Snow White in their bosom
They covet the dream of being rescued by a valiant prince
Who is everything they want in a man – perfect and generous in his love
Their alpha and omega to complete and validate them
And for some Boo – to be the daddy they never had”

Thoughts of flight caress her mind – though fleeting
Hardliner wants this finished
She is tired of her staccato waltz with marriage
She figures she gats to hand Snow White her freedom papers too
After all how can she make a man prove to her
That she is enough to stick around for
When does he stop trying to make her feel worthy of love
Heyul – not just his love but her daddy’s as well
Lawd Jesus!
Hardliner has to sit in this truth for a while – to let it sink in
To feel the vibrations shatter her core

Say it out loud sister – affirm your epiphany

My husband is not my father

Umph – silent births still pack a punch
However – do not carry debilitating pain like when she resists
She closes her eyes and finds zen
As it dawns on her that if she was married to someone else
Her issues would still flare like a neon sign
But maybe manifest differently
The gist of the thing is that approval from a man means
A hell of a lot to Hardliner – cause she did not get this
From the most important man in her life – daddy
That is why she obsesses on wanting to know what he is thinking
If she has displeased him in some way or another

A tiresome way to live sister
Hatshepsut surmises
And what if he is displeased

Well it don’t rock her world like it used to
The half girl upon entering marriage has filled out with
Womanly substance
The things she tolerated because of dopamine fueled love
Aint gon fly past her big toe now
Her journey within has changed her in so many ways
Being almost unrecognizable to her old self
She cannot fit into the same mold she inhabited
Before and just after marriage
As she tests boundaries – growing in leaps and bounds
Will their old construct be enough to sustain her
Hardliner’s heart races with trepidation

Peace and be still sister
You will not break
Celebrate your choice to drink from your cup
Brimming with joy and self love

Yeh – cause it is either Grande Dmme Queen Beast or…

Grande Dame Queen Beast

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