High Queen Chronicles: Betta that Devil

Standard

If Hardliner hears ‘keep the faith’ one more time
She gon flip
That cliché has been bandied about like a battered tennis ball
Well she don’t want to hear it no more
Real talk – her situation more flows like
‘Better the devil you know than the one you don’t know’
Meaning – sista trusts what she knows
She is familiar with what she knows
Cause believing in stuff that just aint there
Aka faith – aint doing doing nothing for her
Except to extend her stay in Pisstossicity Ville

Faith without works is dead –
I think might be more your speed – sister

Hardliner ignores Hatshepsut’s deadpan humour
She aint been feeling the Ancient Pharaoh of late
Who has just been brutal on a sista
And by the look of things – with her exuding that
Warrior energy of the Lion Goddess Sekhmet
Hardliner figures that the Grand High Queen
Aint gon let up anytime soon
This growing up her inner child business
Has been as pleasant as an appendectomy
Done with a dull knife
Without the mercy of anesthesia
By a surgeon who got his credentials in Timbuktu

Steady your flow sister – it is getting rancid
Back to the business at hand

Hatshepsut cuts into her little woe is me
Like a sharpened knife
Trust the process – it will not fail you

Oh – and she don’t particularly care for that saying either
Pray tell what is she putting her trust in by the way

The question is sister
What meaning do you attribute to trust?

Hardliner flinches –
Feeling an insurgence mounting within
Feeling the need to bolt
Dayum – that house nigga

Stop bemoaning the loss of your inner slave
And stand in your truth Hardliner
Your resistance to answer the question speaks volumes

Like you don’t know I gats a trust issue

What issue don’t you have Hardliner?

Oh that is low mama

It is not for me to know
As much as for you to acknowledge
And then you dig sister
Dig down deep for the WHY without
Delving into the drama of the HOW

There is no safety net when one places their trust
In someone or something
And Hardliner likes to feel sure about things
Like the sun rising every morning
When she trusts – she feels vulnerable
She is left wide open to hurt and ridicule
Trust can get your heart broken

So sayeth your inner child
And her gospel on trust has shaped
Your cynical view of the world

Hatshepsut is letting it rip – raw – real
And Hardliner is panting and pushing out
This son-of-a-bitch breakthrough with purpose

Sweet Chile – the bane of Ms. Ego’s existence
Continues to drive most the important relationships in Hardliner’s life

Being
Hatshepsut pushes for acknowledgement

Dang mama!
Lawd dem contractions are a bitch!
And they will not let up – until she owns up
Umph
Relationships with her mother / father / siblings – husband
Hardliner is still that little gurl who feels inadequate
Because her mommy and daddy did not show up in her life
The way in which she wanted them to
Heyul – her daddy did not show up period
What showed up were his fakeass promises
And her heart took some mean blows for believing them
So Sweetz soured up and cynicism became her homey
With cynicism – no one or anything could let her down
Because she had such low expectations in a joyful outcome
But Hardliner will admit that this way of living
Aint working for her no more
Her relationships cannot be authentic if she believes
Trust gon pull a drive by on her heart

Help here – this breakthrough is jacked up

You are doing fine sister
You put too much pressure on yourself to grasp
Your lessons too quickly
Time is the ultimate master
She decides when things ripen and when they die
Allow your blooming to happen naturally
In the time and manner for which it has been designed
Your lessons germinate in the mind
But are birthed from the soul Hardliner

And they are painful as shit

But there is such beauty in transforming from the inside sister
It shatters every myth and false belief
That you hold about yourself
It strips away the dirt and grime of fakery in your life
To illuminate your truth
And what is more beautiful than seeing
True beauty from the inside
What is more beautiful than witnessing the courage
In a person willing to open up to the world – to be seen

Dayum – she could scream to the mountaintop
This here pain is fucking sublime

Then if must be sister – scream out your truth
The truth is

The truth is my feelings of inadequacy have sabotaged
The building of relationships based on trust
I don’t trust in marriage because men always leave
I don’t trust in people – because they disappoint

Oh Lawd – Jesus!

Scream out sister!
Hardliner could hear the Sekhmet’s feline roar
In the Grand High Queen’s voice

The truth is I don’t trust myself to come through
For me on big occasions – believing in imminent failure
More than success
I don’t trust the Great I Am enough to put my life in his hands

Hardliner is floored out of her mind
How could she not trust the Universe – the Great I Am
Alpha and Omega – God Almighty

Listing his names does not make your situation
Anymore inconceivable sister
Either you trust the Universe at a cerebral level only
Or you allow trust to permeate your heart and soul

Hardliner closes her eyes
Turning to the Universe inwardly
Father – I need your help here
I have laid down my weapon of cynicism
Forgive me for doubting your will for my life
Forgive me for not trusting you enough to answer my prayers

Daughter reconcile with yourself first
She feels the vibrations in her soul

How ridiculously simple
Hardliner finds herself crowning in breathtaking tranquility
I forgive myself for believing myself to be inadequate
I forgive myself for believing that I cannot
Trust my own judgments
I forgive myself not trusting my inner wisdom
To guide my relationships

Hardliner is stoned on this simplicity
And the simple truth is
She should not gift anyone her trust
But rather place her trust wholeheartedly in the hands
Of the Great I Am to guide her in building the right
Relationships with the people who will bring
The most joy to her life
Simple
But the most important quote to hit her dome is that
‘People show you who they are’
And the lesson is – learning to trust in herself enough
To believe them

Hardliner is spent
Sweat out and bone tired
But she aint complaining
Cause she is witnessing her beauty
In transforming from the inside out

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