Life on the outside chronicles: Those Hard Conversations

Standard

You gon win this battle easy

Hardliner wonders why in hell she listened to those Irates
Spiritual guides / higher consciousness / Angels/ whatever

You gon win this battle easy

It takes every ounce of serenity she gats
To prevent a rapid descent into ratchetossity
Cause the volatile energy of profanity is dayum near choking her
Like a fool she went into this battle thinking that
She could do an emotional purge – get all vulnerable and what not
And that she would find solace in compassion and understanding
Well aint that the joke on her
Cause like a fuc – umph – serenity better do right by her
Hardliner steels herself against the sweet lure of rachetossity
Cause like a fool – here she is battered and bruised
No – way passed bruised –
She is cut wide open and bleeding profusely
Oh yea – sista won that battle real bitch-ass easy
And to say she is pissed off about it is an understatement

Which battle are you referring to mama?
Her ultra-cool and calm Irates reply
Is it the actual conversation you are referring too
Or the courage to speak your truth despite your fear?

Hardliner stops – in the midst of her drama – nonplussed
She stands amidst her swirling winds – carrying chaos and fury
Well – looking like a fool
What the hell do those Irates mean?
She followed their advice – she bared her soul to the man
And ooooooh just thinking about it –
You know what yall – not today
Like yall know about the nervous breakdown
I had to fight off last night

Hardliner – take a hold of your emotions – shake off the drama
Right now you need clarity more than the crazy rage you are courting
Come on – rise above this

The Irates infuse her emotionally charged space
With the energy of peace
After a bout of deep breathing Hardliner appears placid
Well – enough for reasoning to illuminate her dark dome

Are you in the house mama?
They ask and wait for her confirmation
Now think – which battle are you referring to?
The one in which you threw out your truth
Gave your issues a great expanse of space
In which to dissipate – despite the fact that
You were scared to be out of your emotional closet?
Or the one in which you expected to get feedback
And really – validation from your husband
And when you did not get that all hell broke loose?

Well now – the fog lights have been turned on in Hardliner’s dome
But she aint feeling the epiphany

Boo you don’t have to like breakthroughs when they hit your dome
But the praise and thanksgiving for them
Ought to bring you to your knees out of the knowing
That you’ve come into yourself a little more

Yeah – self-awareness aint no joke!

When we said you will win this battle easy baby girl
The battle was not the hard conversation
It was the fight for courage and fortitude
To ride into vulnerability despite your fear
And communicate your truth with the one you love
Without the need for his validation
When you plan for a hard conversation
You must be aware of its aims – its purpose
When you attach expectations to it and the
Other party does not fulfil these expectations…

All hell breaks loose – Hardliner cuts in
A residue of disgruntlement tinges her tone
And yes – she aint feeling the sudden spirit of
Forgiveness hogging up the air on Planet Hardliner
If dem Irates think that is it gonna be that easy…

Boo the forgiveness is for you
Forgive yourself for wanting too much too soon
Forgive yourself for thinking that your husband
Needed to validate your feelings and your experience
But really Hardliner – forgive yourself for believing the lie
You told yourself about him giving you the desired
Response you pictured in your mind

Hardliner should be rebelling against their counsel
She should be in denial right now
But dang – today the Irates are the truth!
She brought her unrealistic expectations into the conversation
And thus created a portal for rejection to enter the situation
She felt so hurt and confused that this pain
Brought crazy to her dome right quick – like “Beam me Up Scotty”
Although inwardly Hardliner knew that all her truth baring
May have intimidated him – after all – a sista can relate
Stepping into any vulnerable space that involves
Coming emotionally clean with anyone – can feel like pulling teeth
Heyul – the man bolted!

And still you took the risk – that is beautiful mama!
This is about you Boo

Well that is the first – Hardliner retorts
It is always this aint about you Boo

Because mama – this was about you speaking up!
Telling your story – this was your real assignment
You called the Queen forth and won your battle
Despite the fact that the your husband did not give
You the response you wanted
Boo – people only give what they are willing and able to give
It is normal for persons to expect response in a two way conversation
But this was not a two way conversation
It was you being willing to be open despite closed doors in your face
Don’t focus on the pain so much as to forget that
You won this battle of courage
The real lesson here Hardliner is that anytime you need
To have a difficult conversation with some one
You need to be clear about what it is that you want to achieve
Not how you want the other person to react
You need to have purpose in mind Boo
And do not attach unrealistic expectations
Most times they fail to manifest

No shit – Hardliner mutters
Sista don’t know about this here lesson
She has enough reasoning in her dome to understand what
Her Irates are telling her – but right now Ms. Ego is after blood
She wants some kinda recompense for feeling so emotionally jacked

And why is your Ego so affronted?
The Irates pointedly ask

Because I feel like a bloody fool
I do not feel fuc- umph – she rolls her eyes in exasperation
Thank the Lawd for that half-ass serenity she is pimping

Thank the Lord some more and do some deep breathing
While you ask forgiveness for reverting to profanity
Instead of surrendering to this breakthrough

Her Irates reprove

Hardliner settles her feathers and comes to the truth
That she felt – well – feels – emotionally unsafe with her Lion
She shared her stuff and bled from the wounds he inflicted

No sweetheart – his impassiveness
Triggered your feelings of inadequacy
This is the root of your bleeding
You were channeling your inner child’s blues
Her desire for validation to make up for feelings of inadequacy
And when your expectations did not bear fruit
You felt unsafe – unprotected without a guard
So here comes crazy anger to the rescue

But you know what – he could have handled
The situation a whole lot better

There you go again trying to control another person’s reactions
Let go of all your expectations of him so that
When he does not fulfill them you won’t end up in the arms of crazy
Whilst you have shown strength and desire to make yourself whole
He is intimidated by all this truth baring
Sometimes blood has to flow to get a man to bare his soul
His timing aint your business
It is not on your spiritual agenda
And by the way – here you are whining about
He could have handled the situation better while you
Invite crazy over for a booty call
Because he does not respond in the way you envisioned

Booty… well Hardliner don’t know what to say
Dem Irates are…
She don’t know what to say

That will be the first
You are not the only one with lyrics Boo
Class dismissed Hardliner – go out and play

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