What is a girl to do when her stars are misaligned

Her chakras are jacked and wait – her inner chile is pimping

Separation anxiety by shadowing her every move?

Well a girl – eh- this gurl is at Pisstossity Station

About to board a train to Pisstocity Ville

What is a girl to do when her stars are misaligned

And this is not a woe is me rant

This here is a conscious decision

To feel how she feel and fuck it to hell

Ooooooh – her salt runneth over

And it tastes as good as a bag of Cheetos

Spiritually this aint a good look for Hardliner

But crazy is all she gats to work with right now

Here comes the train

As Hardliner hustles into a good spot to board  

She spots a familiar face on the opposite platform

That goes ghost in two blinks a wink – against the backdrop of a whizzing train

Sista tries to override the unsettled feeling in her gut

With the affirmation that she is overreaching

Never mind that trickle of pee cruising down her right leg

Umph – not today Jesus

Sista gon catch that rain

Anxiety gats her stomach turning and twisting into a pretzel

But a sista gon be on this here train – it’s Pisstossity Ville or bust

She powers through and shuffles for a seat – with Sweet Chile in shadow

Hardliner throws an irritated glace at her inner child

And sucks her teeth through pursed lips

Not today Jesus

And you know – it’s not like she aint checked in with God

While her life has been in melt down

She has done all the right things – praying – breathing – tapping – affirming

And praising God with faith that the spirit of anxiety

Taking hold of her daughter’s life will be vanquished

But it just seems like that bad beast is mocking her

So here she is – straddling praise and pisstoccity with sublime grace

Hardliner thinks back to the times when

She and her daughter were good – she would handle life’s curve balls

Eh – accompanied by her usual woe is me jingle

But a diva held it down

Now – she is in no man’s land with some bitch-ass curve balls

Coming at her from another freaking dimension

 

The higher the level the bigger the devil

We’re getting off at the next stop baby girl

What the…

Hardliner is totally nonplussed by the sudden appearance

Of Ms. Rennah in the seat next to her

The yellow robed Earth Mother with twinkling eyes adds – with smile in tow

This train is on diversion

No – no – baby – Jesus aint gave you the day off

The Earth Mother continues in that commonplace tone –

Don’t forget Sweet Chile – she looks neglected

This is a smooth coup d’état if Hardliner ever saw one

Ms. Rennah is stone cold to jack up her pisstossity jaunt like this

They alight the train at station plopped in the middle of Hardliner’s grassland

Here we go again – she mumbles sourly

What now? – Ms Rennah turns to sista – levelling a ninja side eye

First you lose the attitude

Then we walk – there is someone I would like you to meet

Hardliner feels her gut drop just a smidgen

Unless that someone is Idris Elba – she is feeling rain check vybes

Ms. Rennah heads off that train wreck of thoughts immediately –

Plant dem feet of yours on your earth chile

And breathe – feel the flow of life through you

When you feel rooted in your earth – we will take that walk

The amber robed Earth Mother is about breakthrough business today

And so – Hardliner folds into deep breathing

She offers a prayer – asking God to sooth her discomfort

Cause this breakthrough gon gut her like a fish

Breathe some more baby – Rennah interjects with patience

Which irritates Hardliner even more

I don’t feel good Ms. Rennah

Anxiety has tightened her throat and that steady trickle has

Turned into a purposeful stream of pee down her leg

Nevertheless – sista is breathing

Shit – it aint working

Yet – she keeps breathing

Lawd – why aint it working?

And if she is to hear breathe deeply – just one more

God-dayumed time – a sista gon let Ms. Ratchet do a kamikaze in this bitch

Meanwhile Ms. Rennah watches the spectacle of Hardliner battling herself

At the heart of your struggle lays your answers

Lay down your weapons chile – your guest awaits   

The Earth mother is in that other worldly zone where

She is moved solely by divine purpose and will

Her eyes speak directly to Hardliner’s spirit

With her pee game on fleek – sista finally surrenders to the breakthrough

She stares into the eyes of her fifteen-year-old self

The face she caught sight of on the platform

There is a saying – be careful what you wish for

When sista prayed for self-awareness and enlightenment

She did not envision it would thug her out like this

Hardliner acknowledges that her daughter’s dance with anxiety

Is a trigger for her – or more like a backhoe

Digging up all her adolescent mess

And naturally – Spirit – being so obliging and all

Has presented sista with her gawky – angry – confused

Insecure and somewhat depressed fifteen-year-old self

So that she can meet and greet year fifty gift wrapped

In the glow of golden self-enlightenment

Umph – Hardliner takes in a calming breath

To cut off the nice/nasty retort about fly outta her mouth

Thank you God – she is determined to walk with praise

Not wallow in pisstossity

Sweet Chile tugs her hand – and with those big expressive eyes of hers

She guides Hardliner to face her adolescent self

To accept her into her space

Sista is deep breathing now – with acceptance riding its wings

She has some adolescence mess to mop up

And who is she to argue with the Great I Am

For providing the mop and bucket

She looks into the eyes of her 15-year-old self

Acknowledging the energy of fear coming off her in waves

Umph – dis gon be hard

Nevertheless – with mop and bucket in hand – Hardliner is ready for healing

But hold on now – eh Ms. Rennah

Where’s the water?

Aint it a beautiful day for singing

The Earth Mother scans the breadth of Hardliner’s rolling hills

Your hills have been quiet for so long

That answer does jack crap for her situation

Cleave to praise gurl not pisstossity she tells herself

But that Earth Mother is pushing it