Life according to Ego chronicles: If this be love


So Hardliner is in this eh – relationship
And one could say that sista gurl is sprung
Despite the fact that she is in denial
Preferring to believe that it is just the high concentration
Of dopamine in her brain that is making her do stupid stuff
Like smiling twenty four seven
Staring into space at the thought of her lion
And giving him all her sugar without a prenup
But she aint gon accept the dopamine coup
Planet Hardliner has been able withstand
So much more in the past
Although her lion heart is strong and shit
He wears confidence like second skin
And knows how to tell his diva NO

And that is a turn on cause Hardliner aint into weak men
But sista luuuuuuuves her some control too
And is even willing to concede – uh – on her off days
To the argument put forth by her Irates that
She is a control freak

“Oh – let’s wager a guess – today is such a day”
Comes that dry wit

Suck a chill pill gurl you are in control of this situation

Ahh faithful Ego to the rescue
Never mind she just proved the Irates’ point
But so what she has tenacious grit
It shows how strong and independent she is
And if her man don’t like it – heyull he can leave on the same ship
That brought his ass to Planet Hardliner
She aint gon pussy foot around any man
Dang – this relationship aint going the way she envisioned
Since the rules have the audacity to change on her
And coming to think of it – it kinda happened supernaturally
Like something had a hand in the pairing of herself and the man
Cause her I-rates are resilient to sanctifying this love vybe
If this indeed be love
Ok – so after a few palpitations and a little cold sweat
Hardliner gon shout from the mountaintop that she’s in love?
Please – she knows that it gon take more than the butterflies
Pulling a Rambo on her gut to ever make wanna her go there
It’s the dopamine – she aint stupid

I told you that man would jack you up 
Ego is bitter these days
Every and anything that could go wrong
Has gone wrong – starting with the Consciousness
That stole Hardliner’s sense and sensibility
Cause sista gurl has done a 180 on Ego – favouring her relationship
With a man who seems intent on courting rebellion
To Ego’s dominion over Planet Hardliner
Now her disposition is real foul
Cause this so called love has her cypher out of wack
It’s like that she don’t know herself no more
And she don’t know her man no more
Or maybe it is that she doesn’t want to accept
That her way of doing her business ain’t conducive
To her relationship with her Lion

“You think?”
Her Irates are just begging for some hood rat from her

Why is it that she is always the one that has to bend?

“Why don’t you stop playing the victim Boo
And let your transformation unfold
It is seldom easy but no less a beautiful experience
To liberated by your truth
Hardliner you are facing your demons
At the hand of your lion heart
And yes he is far from perfect but it does not serve you
Well to dwell on his apparent hypocrisies
Focus on your lesson
What you are learning is that his gift of truth is terrifying
Cause he appears to be the real deal”

But there aint no such thing

“Tell that to your heart Boo” their tone is oddly gentle

What the hell does this man want from her
If it be love
What the hell does she do with it
Cause men don’t stick around
How is she gon trust this man with her heart
Cause she knows he gon bolt like a runaway slave
When she becomes invested in him
Sista gurl finds it incredulous that the brother
Could love her enough to withstand her tactics of sabotage
Daring her to lay claim to their ever after

What the hell is going on here – Hardliner questions
She used to be encased by this indestructible shield of self-esteem

Yeh and now look at yuh sorry ass
Ego’s voice crackles like electricity

Deciding to not press the panic button
Hardliner presses pause and waits for the knowing
Which sure nuff comes
Maybe Hardliner – Queen of Badass aint so self-assured and shit
Maybe she is just like the mere mortals of this world
Who find themselves occasionally unbalanced
Or what is more daunting – maybe she is one
Of those who is buried in the basement under issues piled sky high
Vile little issues that have suddenly surfaced –
Intent on shocking the ebony off her

Lord Jesus – Ego is aghast
That bish now real cray cray
She gon let the world see that she has gone punk ass soft
Shit gurl you are embarrassing me
Pick up the remaining balls you gats left to your name
Dem Irates have jacked up your groove with this
Spiritual transformation jive
Fight it – bish!

“And how do you fight with the Universe”
Her Irates deftly interject
“God Almighty – Alpha and Omega – the All
The Universe don’t owe you anything Hardliner
Except to love you unconditionally for who you are
There is only one way to bring you true serenity
But you must first surrender to her Guidance
And trust the process
At times it will feel like hell
But also have faith in yourself and know that you wont break
You are made of strong stuff”

Dang – devil on the left – Angels on the right
This shit is intense
Nevertheless Hardliner is feeling Ego more
Cause that bish has been down for her forever
Albeit the Irates talk a good game
Her head is hard and ignorant like a self-loathing
Nappy haired house nigga
To sweet liberation from the surrender of defiant will to truth
Right about now her mind is racing – trying to catch up with time
And eventually surpass time before the approaching dawn
She is tryin’ to figure out a way to deal with her Lion her way
If only her Lion’s I-rates weren’t so difficult to dodge
The man also carries a strong spiritual current
So she is fighting Ego’s jihad on two fronts
All the while knowing that something’s got to give
Maybe she was a bit insensitive
Maybe she was just a bit rash to judge him
If only she was not so strung out on his shit

If you could grow some balls
Ego’s bite is laced with fear
Cause that chick is threatening everything she has built
Ms. Ego don’t do vulnerable – and right now she is a lion in a cage
If this be love – oh it gats to go

Hardliner exhales – wanting to release her fury
An outgrowth of desperate fear for her emotional safety
A mighty wrath – seemingly emerging from thin air
To equal lightning bolts that Zeus himself
Would be too punk-assed to wield
And by Gawd – her Lion is mad enough to stand in her path
Hardliner don’t know whether to cry or laugh
As he just stands there whilst she threatens
In all her ballsy diva glory to blast him into oblivion
And the brutha is just standin’ there patiently waiting on her
Why is he doing this?
What is he waiting for?
Gawd dayum – why aint he running?
He is supposed to run
No one has ever done this before
Oh God – if this be love – will she survive

“This is not Armageddon Hardliner – her Irates tell her
Love is an energy – constant – never forcing
But waiting on you to absorb it into your being
But first you have to believe yourself worthy of it
And that you are enough just as you are
Because love wants nothing from you
And takes nothing from you”

Yeh the Irates talk a good game
But it will take a little bit more than
Some talk for her to trust in something she cant see
And being that she is Hardliner – the baaaadest diva
She gon test it – to make sure that her man is worthy
A mere crisis ago the Irates in all their profundity declared:
“Whom the Universe hath brought together
Ain’t nothin’ sista-girl could do to sabotage it”

Umph humph
We gon see ’bout that!


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