Misdemeanor Diva Chronicles: Die hard B*#@ch

Standard

Ego is a bitch
But at least Hardliner knows where she stands with her
Dayum irascible – opinionated – and vain as hell
But sista knows where she stands with her
Hardliner fidgets – fighting apology swelling within her
Lawd knows she don’t like to crawl
It sets her teeth on edge

“Apology accepted babygirl”

Her Irates do not waste anytime
They exude the energy of a crucial and jacked up break through
Dang yall – give a chick some air
Yall want me to clean up my mess without preamble –
That is baaaaad form man

Met with silence
Hardliner is half scared and wholly rattled
So – uh huh – new strategy
Well she gon be silent too – but who’s she kidding
That’s gon last about two seconds
Heyul – she’s in lock-down anyways

Say what yall gats to say – c’mon

So she going for confrontational – not so new a strategy

“Say something – you gripe
Be silent you go schizoid
There are shards of Ego buried deep within you
Courting dark energies that retard your spiritual and emotional progress”

Umph

“Anything that thrives on fear and in darkness is not Godly”

Sniffing – Hardliner reckons that she don’t like where this is going

“Oh yea baby-girl – this right here
Is the termination of your Ego’s dominion over Planet Hardliner
Delivered by an old-skool – shackle bursting – demon casting
Baptist soul shake down
And she will die a hard death”

Lawd have mercy – yall aint right
Hardliner is forced to reveal her bad card
All along – thinking she was a smart ass
By breastfeeding Ego on the sly

“You can’t serve two masters Hardliner
The Great I am does not like to share
When you come to him – he wants your everything”

Hardliner is too scared to say anything
The kind of fright that could slap the house slave outta her

“You have to trust the Universe Hardliner
These shards are not your backbone
The Great I AM is”

She cooI wit dat
But Ego aints ah gowin no-wheres

“Give your slave her freedom papers mama
To fully embody the spiritual warrior – earth mother
Free spirit – sassy diva that screams who you be
But really baby girl – YOU ARE ENOUGH
Walk into the light with all those bo-bos and bruises
YOU ARE ENOUGH – Even if you are patched and pieced together
Baby you are enough”

This is the last stand and the old guard gives the battle cry
And Ms. Ego intends to go down swinging
Trust in what you know gurl
Dem Irates preach a dayum good sermon
But they don’t live that shate for you
You know you – lazy – disobedient and rude as mutha

Vintage Ego – is in mortal combat for
Dominance over Planet Hardliner once again
Now – she’s a psycho but she has a point
Every time Hardliner tries to swing for a home run
She don’t even get to first base
So right now sista gurl is feeling
The trust in the devil you know than
The Hitler around the corner cliché

Gurl – you know me – I gats your back
Bleeding effusively only leads to death
Open to the light my ass
You let them in and it is ova
You let them win and you’re a push-ova

Ego is cocksure that her game still tight
She is certain that Hardliner will succumb to her flow
Like a weak willed weight watcher to dreamy slices of cheese cake
But sista girl has come a long way from these gluttonous days
Ego’s tirade don’t soothe her fears no more
So she gon try a whole new strategy
Be mute and listen
Reasoning that she held on to Ego because
She knew no other way
Without self-preservation where would she go
Who would she be without her story

“Your authentic self” her Irates answer

And who the F is that?
Hardliner fumes – suddenly angry
Cause its light frightens the piss outta her inner chile – Sweet chile
It is one thing to have Snow White all up in her Crib
But it is another to believe that Hardliner can be
Just as loony and free as that chick –
You know – to be invited to the authentic party

“It is the most important party you’ll ever attend Boo
Is your soul’s coming out party
The I don’t give a dayum j’ouvert
The Love me or let me be fete
The I am free and Looney Irie blues dance
That New Year’s rub a dub – dancing straight into 8 am
Ready to face a year of highs – lows
And some rock bottoms with a warrior queen spirit
Cause you know the raw stuff you are made of
That transforms into premium Ice when tested by blue fire”

But Sweet Chile aint there yet
She is not ready yet
I am not ready

“You mean that you are scared to face Sweet Chile
The hurt and angry little girl within you
Bring her out into the light for healing Boo
Somewhere along the way Sweet Chile spaced out on chill pills
Retiring behind cynicism and mistrust
Holding on to ageless hurts – don’t enable her
Grow her up from that angry – fearful little girl
Into that dynamic – powerful and whole woman you desire to be”

Light bulbs are going on and off
Hardliner is riding an intense ah-ha orgasm
She has never acknowledged Sweet Chile –
And coming to think about it – she abandoned Sweetz emotionally
And handed her over to Ego who became her Lady Protector
Dang – she abandoned her inner chile
Just like she was abandoned by her father
Hardliner has to make peace with Sweet Chile

Please – aint nobody wanna see that puny little thing
Ego spits her venom – cause Sweetz has been
The bane of her existence
Weak little thing pining over spilt milk
She aint the only child who grew up fatherless
That is why she is Lady Protector
To maintain Hardliner’s emotional dignity
Now the bish wants a reconciliation
Drinking that growing her up crap the Irates preaching like its cool aid

Hardliner takes a few good deep breaths –
Real dayum good deep breaths
Whilst praying for inner strength from God
To vanquish Ego’s negative energy from her dome
And she finds the will from places unknown within
To centre herself and stand firmly in her decision
To do right by her Sweet Chile
Hardliner can smell her fear – she experiences her uncertainty
As she holds up Sweetz to the light
In the same manner as her ancestors named their own
To receive healing one gats to appear naked in all their truth
Before God and their God self
She has learned a little something somethin from her Irates

Sitting in her truth Hardliner feels hopeful
Ego went down hard
And if there was one thing she taught Hardliner
Was to never count her out
That bish could pop up when she least expects it
So although she is feeling good about her breakthrough with Sweetz
Hardliner can’t bring herself to fully trust that Ego is gone

“No one is totally ego-free Hardliner
Because it will always try to raise its ugly head
But when Ego reigns unchecked
Influencing negative behavior – poisoning your life
That is when you must cut that hoe loose
And you do that by centering yourself
Recognise its nasty lingo from your own internal voice
Knowing that Ego only serves itself
You know that Hardliner – after all as you eloquently said
You moonlighted as her bitch”

Hardliner is too stoned on her breakthrough to acknowledge
Their dry jibe – she gon let them have that one
So this is what a Baptist soul shakedown feels like
Humph -but what’s next?

“You go out into the light and live Hardliner”

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