Valhalla Chronicles: Hard labour

Standard

Beneath the surface everyone gats a little
Somethin’ somethin’ gowin’ on
That don’t sit right with their spirit
Some people ignore the alert like a debt collector
Others just pretend that it does not exist
Hardliner wishes she could roll with either option
But knows inwardly that it just aint gonna happenin’
Cause she already swallowed that pesky little red pill
To lead her into the wondrous – falling flat on her face
Whoop-ass world of self-awareness
Empowerment and enlightenment
That teaches her to do betta cause she knows betta

Even if she’s a frick / frack/ friggin’ / freakin’ up
A Yosemite Sam about it
She gon do betta

Now – she gats some beef with a few individuals
That is aging her ass
Hardliner is already walking up the Hill
And dayum near the summit too
Her body already feels different at forty
Plus she’s in mortal combat with a grey hairline
So she just don’t gats no time to be marinating beef in Creole sauce
No matter how badass it gon taste
Cause in the end – that thick piece of red meat
Cooked to perfection in a to die for sauce
Gon truly clog up her arteries and kill her ass
And she and her beef gon be jamming into the eternal sunset together

Yet she’s here and can’t do it – she don’t know where to begin –
How does she claim something that don’t wanna be found

“Or maybe you don’t want to actively seek it”

Again – she’s here aint she

“Under duress and if you could – you’d run
Further than the end of a rainbow”

Well – who in their right mind would wanna deal
With issues as painful as birtin’ the sun outta their ass

“Warriors of God Boo”

Hardliner aint fully copasetic with this warrior business
It is a wonderful vision but dayum –
That is some big-ass shoes to fill

“There you go again – doubting yourself and your courage
To do things you deem are unreachable
When you already done reached them”

Yall gats more faith in me than I do

“Is that not tragic to you Boo?”

Oh Lawd – Hardliner winces at the implications
Feelin like she opened a can of worms

“Aint no place betta to do that but in therapy baby
The right place to tamper with Pandora’s box
And jack up as many cans of worms as you want
Don’t worry about the mess – the Universe is an expert cleaner”

Ahhhh the Irates – bless them

So she’s put on the spot again
How the hell she gon get out of that one
Inwardly she knows their response before they voice it
But the truth stanks like a reopened grave

“Better you come out of the grave with the truth
Than live your life in it”

What of her expectations of herself
Hardliner is not a fan of hard work
Just the thought of it makes her left eye twitch
She owns that can of worms – coined it Lazy biatch
A self loathing term that somehow grew
Into a term of endearment – talk about the Nigga complex
Maybe her lazy bitch coinage masks dismal self expectations
She lacks faith in herself to do great works
Because she cannot trust herself to complete them
That’s messed up man
Here she was thinking that this shit was about beef
Why did she not see that it was infested with worms
What the hell she gon do with that

“Own it and throw it out” comes the reply
How can you become Budda Seer – and we are
Holding you to that expectation Boo
If you don’t believe it is in you
You have to trust yourself enough to do the work”

Yeh – healer – psychic – medium and energy mover
That is a piece of cake –
A walk in the frick/frack/friggin park
Though Hardliner can see their point
If she believes in imminent failure when doing simple tasks
How the heyll can she expect to manifest Budda Seer

“Open the next can to see where it all started Boo”

What – its Christmas already
Like she gats a pile of cans under the friggin tree to open
Gawd – she knows she supposed to keep her sass level down
But this is some kinda bullshit
Hardliner is all for self improvement but it don’t mean
That she gats to like the work
Especially the painful kind that will lead her to self discovery

“Yea – cause as the world knows youze a lazy biatch
Aint that how you put tangs mama?”

Ouch – yeah that
Yall just a bit to acerbic right now
Especially as she is working on that particular issue

“Well it would help if you do not whine about working hard
It takes one back to your ratchet affirmation
Hard work neva hurt no body Hardliner
To fulfill purpose and self achievement
You have to bust a sweat mama”

Fine – she will open her can of worms
And deal with the truth that her sheltered
Somewhat indulged life – kept her hidden from life
And so self-absorbed that when adulthood came for her
Her pleasant Ville upbringing got bitch slapped
By the ruff and ready world –
And its bite was as brutal as its bark
So what does a sweet – treat persons with respect and kindness typa gurl does
She pretends that their callous actions and barbs don’t hurt
And shuts the fuck up
Cause the sweet – treat persons with respect and kindness typa gal
Don’t like to rock the boat
Lawd no – cause she come up outta Pleasant Ville
And she gon be nice even if it means the death of her
But see – persons are not bound to treat you nice in return
That was fugly lesson Hardliner learned right quick
Oh – and another thing –
Self-confidence and true moxie badness don’t grow on trees
That particular lesson – painful as hell
Hardliner tries to suppress the urge to fling
Her lazy ass can of worms as far away from her as possible
Hard work neva hurt nobody – humph –
Except to give you cracked heels – tight shoulders
And jacked up fingernails

“Is that you Boo?” Her Irates jest
“Seriously – Gurl – those crusty heels are on you
The fingernails you’ve bitten from infancy
And chile please don’t go there with the tight shoulders
Check your family pathology for that one
Cause the nervous tension all yall gats gowin on
Can fry chicken – keep it movin”

So what does she do about this can huh?
She don’t want it

“Then why are you resisting the urge to throw it”
The Irates probe

Hardliner stops for a while
Trying to gather her chi together
It is her story and she holds on to it
Because it is familiar and strangely comforting

“Self pity makes the softest comforter Boo
Throw the can of worms away and create a new pathology
Be nice but build strong boundaries
People treat you according to how you let them treat you
And if you would take your mind off your little woe is me story
You would see that although you’re being whooped
By marriage and mother hood minus a maid and all
Your wimpissity is being chipped away to reveal the
Bad-ass moxie living underneath
Courage is simply stepping up to fear and answering to challenge
You’ve been doing a lot of that lately”

Hardliner gets a light bulb moment
This is not about her aversion to hard work
But her perceived lack of courage to accomplish her goals
And the lack of self-belief to fulfill her dreams
And then her fear of failing

“A natural part of life mama” her Irates counter

And a residue of Ego Hardliner muses
The threat of failure came from her self-doubt
Her self-doubt kept her self-expectations far away from greatness

“But now it is a new day Boo
When you know better”

I do betta
Hardliner completes the mantra

“There you go”

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