High Queen Chronicles: The Deep Unknown

Standard

Hardliner is out in deep waters
A dark bottomless green that can swallow the soul whole
Either she a baaaaad chick or sista is truly masochistic
Cause Lawd knows her ass can’t swim
And here she be fronting a Jacques Cousteau
As usual she’s looking for the backside to sunny side up
Cause everybody and their mama knows
That deep sea green is the ideal habitat for sharks
If she had kept her ass near the shore wading in the shallow
She would not be up to her eyeballs in the deep unknown

Then she hears it
Shut up and get out of your own way

The Ancient Grand High Queen Hatshepsut
Steely eyed and freakishly buoyed on Hardliner’s turbulent tides
Dares her to say something sassy
Hardliner for the moment has forgotten about sharks
Concentrating on that dangerous looking High Queen in front her
And figures that she aint gon play by her
Heyul – she knows her Irates
But that diva right there represents the psycho she don’t know
And one never underestimates that kinda cray cray

Why must you work so hard at being badass
Instead of simply embodying it

Is that a trick question?
Gawd – she just can’t help herself
Her mouth gone be the end of her
She also acknowledges that the sass
Flies at lightning speed when she wants
To deflect deep exploration of her stuff
There aint no answer as to why she does not embody badass
And what does it mean to be a badass anyway
Instantly Hardliner thinks
Power – defiance – resilience – strength

How does this meaning translate to your situation
Where is your VOICE in the translation

Shit

You are only powerful if you believe that you are powerful
You talk a good game sister but you don’t live it
Claim it – for it is already yours
Be you without apology

The ancient queen is a tough no nonsense type of woman
Seeing right through Hardliner with her intense glare
Sista-girl feels naked and she don’t like it –
To be open for public viewing like that
Hell – Hardliner don’t like to be open period

Life calls you to say what you mean
And mean what you say
What does it take out of you to speak your truth sister
The openness you run from is the vast space you crave to soar in
If you are not clear in your intent
People will clarify it for you
If you constantly seek validation from persons
You will never come into your shining
Living only to cruise your skies at peoples’ altitudes
Or worse cruising their skies at their altitudes
Speak up Hardliner – declare your desires
Be who you are designed to be
The Universe made only ONE YOU
Be YOU – organic and authentic
Live your purpose unapologetically – on the point of death
That is how you go hardcore sister
This is being badass on purpose

Hardliner realizes that although she is a grown ass woman
Her inner child’s timid and hesitant energy still governs her actions
Sweet Chile’s fears of rejection and ridicule
Have stunted the growth of her womanhood
False perceptions and mistruths about herself
Have birthed the belief the unlimited is unattainable to Hardliner
And this realization floors sista gurl
She has always set her ceiling where she could reach it
Because her life is buoyed on the winds of cold hard reality

Where there are no calculated risks
And you control how high you have to jump to attain blessings
Not setting the bar at some unattainable level
That you feel you have no way of reaching
To touch such strata would require strong faith in an absolute power
And you sister are a control freak
Control of your fate wrestled out of your hands
Dictates that you risk pride – open your heart to trust
And belief that this omnipresent power will
Push you to the unlimited
In essence you risk being vulnerable to failure

Dang it – Hatshepsut is a beast
She puts it down real mean – not in a good way
And Hardliner can’t fault the high queen
Cause as blunt as she is – the truf is the truf

The thing is Hardliner does not feel safe
She comes from a place of lack
Not feeling like she is enough
So she has become paranoid about beefing up
This weakness with self-reliance and independence
To go after what she wants herself
Cause aint nothing gon do it for her
And since she is limited by her humanness
Sista gurl gats to aim for doable goals

And in doing so – you set boundaries that limit your life
Hatshepsut sums up

Well if you wanna put it that way

It is
Have you ever given thought to what you really want Hardliner
Without crushing your desires ruthlessly
Before the notion hits your dome that they are unattainable
Who taught you to sell out yourself
For what is safe and reasonable

Hardliner centres her being – breathing through this Ah Ha moment
Words were never spoken in her family
She just knew that singing was not
Get her a career in the Caribbean in the 80s
And there were no pep talks of encouragement
Just the expectation that she would do well academically
Fall into a stable – safe career and live her life
And then when she figured that she found somethin
Her mama gave her a good dose of reality and
Shoved her in the direction of a career
Sista gurl had no desire to be in
Now looking at it Hardliner feels angry
But she has grown enough to realize
That her mama was operating from a place of lack too
And was disappointed in her own life
Wanting more but too stuck on where she was
Than believing that she did not have to stay there
Plus she did not want her daughter to get beaten up
By failure and disappointment either
So she discouraged her and steered her
In a more sustainable career path
Instead of encouraging her to pursue her dreams
With relentless passion
Gawd – what a situation
But Hardliner cannot stay angry with her mama
She is where she is meant to be
Her mama honestly thought she was doing her best
Albeit Hardliner suspects that her mama may have also
Felt inadequate and insecure in her guidance of
A strong-willed young adult daughter whom
She did not raise and did not know
Hardliner also acknowledges that her own fears of
Entrapment stem from this period of powerlessness in her life –
Where she was without her safety net
In a small space with her closest kin – who were alien to her
She became Dorothy of Oz – wanting to find home
To feel safe again and not trapped
Because in her story there were no little cute
Red shoes to take her ass on home

Safety is a big issue with Hardliner
Because when she is not safe she feels vulnerable
Powerless and not in control
She is reminded and self affirms that she
Is not enough – not even enough to take care of her own dayum self
And so this is why it is so important to fake badass
If you can’t make it fake it
But Hardliner is so tired of faking
She wants her soul to witness that ultimate sunrise
Where she feels real in her skin

And one surreal spiritual experience
Will achieve this sister?
Hatshepsut asks
And Hardliner knows that the Irates are somewhere
Laughing at her ass

Guess not

People spend decades in the pursuit to feel
Real in their skin Hardliner
It is not acquired in one experience
But through a willingness to accept their humanness
To get close to Godliness
It is achieved though learning their life lessons
Through diligence – patience and compassion
Isn’t this what you are doing now
Are you not in the midst of self-discovery
Or do you want it to be profound as Moses on the mountain top
That sort of spiritual enlightenment I have observed
Is not your thing

Hardliner gats to be careful here –
She gon need a few more therapy sessions with
The ancient High Queen to feel acquainted enough
To get her lip action going on
And right now she is just bone-tired from her latest ah ha moments
Can’t take no mo’ self-awareness up in here Hatshepsut
Be reminded that your pyramids were not built in a day

As you wish sister
But neither were your pyramids

Touché

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