High Queen Chronicles: Fear of flying

Standard

When it comes to heights Hardliner is a chicken shit
Sista gurl don’t trust any expansive space
Filled with nothing but air around –
Beneath or above her – without a safety net
Like when – not if – gravity decides to jack her up
Who the hell gon catch her?

Why do you think of falling instead of soaring
This expansive space filled with nothing but air?

Hardliner chalks it up to the way she is wired
And cold hard reality –
Cause what goes up – must come down
That is just the laws of gravity mama

Do Eagles stay Earth bound sister?

Hardliner rolls her eyes skyward impatiently
She can see where this is going
No mama – they are wired to fly
And the last time she checked – she weren’t sprouting no feathers
She aint no dayum bird
Her inner ratchet is ever ready for a fight
Though Hardliner knows she is better than that

A bird you are not sister
But you have wired yourself to live a mediocre life

BAM!
Oh no that heffa did not just go there
Hardliner’s inner ratchet escapes before
She has a chance to pull that mess back

Oh but I did –
Hatshepsut replies in a soft menacing tone
That alone can slap the black off of Hardliner

You beg to differ?
The High Queen – cool and calm – stares down Hardliner
She is the ultimate Grand Dame Queen Beast in this moment
Cause you sister – are gravity’s bitch
Obeying her command to stay as close
To the ground as possible – way below what
You are capable of becoming

Hardliner is too stunned even for her inner ratchet
To come back from that
Heyul – in two blinks and a wink the ancient Pharaoh
Has gon Muhammad Ali on her
Sister girl suddenly has her fits up on either side of her head
Trying to deflect a nasty beat down – like she be Joe Frasier

All gravity has to do is to blow on you
And you are down – hard for the count

Now hold on mama – hey –
Apparently her sass has left her high and dry too
As Hatshepsut’s words continue to lay some mean
Left hooks to her sides
Lawd – one more blow and sista gurl gon hit the floor

Just when Hardliner thought she had the Pharaoh figured
She does a double take on her
Sista gurl was counting on Asps licking her heels
Not body blows
Do I look like Muhammad Ali’s punching bag to you?
Hardliner hurls all the righteous indignation she
Could muster at the grand high queen
Her frustration bubbling to the surface

I am not the one administering the blows Hardliner
Your truth is doing all the damage
If you do not like existing at ground level
Keep your ass in that ring and deal with your truth
Because in essence you are more than your truth
When you accept it and stand squarely in its presence
It can’t haunt you anymore
What you are actually fighting is the shadow
Lurking behind your truth
And that is fear and shame sister

Oooooooooh that badass left hook
Sends her inner ratchet scrambling
To pick up her balls scattered all over the ring
Oh what a pitiful state she is in
Hatshepsut watches the fight go out of Hardliner
Who now does not even try to deflect those lethal Ali blows
She is patiently waiting for sister gurl
To come to the conclusion that
She does not have to be in the ring bloodied up by blows
From her own fear and shame of being afraid to fail
When life calls her to answer to challenge
When she is called upon to manifest greatness
So the Grand High Queen waits and watches
Amusement touching her starlit eyes

Having fun mama?
Acid drips from Hardliner’s voice
You gats a ringside seat to this debacle

I am in the ring with you sister – fight

Oh heyul to da no
Ms Ratchet remembers the mess she is made of
Bitch – you’ve seen the blows I’m taking
I’m fighting with everything in me and you wanna…

Lawd here we go again
Her desert landscape contracts then expands
As the blows still a keep on a comin
And tears fall from the pent up emotions seething inside

Fight Hardliner – by surrendering not resisting
The truth simply is
What is it that you fear most?

Failure
I feel less than perfect
I feel shame in feeling inadequate
I am supposed to feel strong all the time
I am supposed to be soaring like a fucking eagle
I am supposed to tell people who piss me off to piss off
I am supposed to get my shit and live my purpose
I am….

A human being who is trying to authentically
Inhabit the skin she lives in
In doing so sister – you are learning to fly
At the altitude you were wired to cruise
And that is one without limit
Knowing that you are worthy of receiving your bounty
And believing it are two separate things
You must believe in yourself sister
You must step into courage
And you must be willing to fail to succeed
There is no shame in doing something less than perfect
Failure does not equal inadequacy
It involves taking onus for your mistakes
And being willing enough to open yourself again and again
To try another plan
And when you truly fly you are being seen
Being seen equals being present in every situation
It means being willing to step into and stand squarely
In a place of vulnerability
Because when you put yourself out there confidently
There will always be haters who try to knock you out of the sky
This is the reality
Persons who live outside of themselves are threatened
By those people who are present in their lives
You are not your truth Hardliner
You are not inadequate
You are not unworthy of your blessings
You are not a chicken shit
And you are not infallible

Hardliner shivers from a chill sweeping her core
She looks around her
The boxing ring has gone
And so has Hatshepsut ’s valley
Ok – she aint in the desert no more
Oya is doing her tribal dance though
Her drumming séance pulsating – throbbing furiously
The rhythm seeping into her very essence
Oh yasssssssssss – Ms. Oya is on fire
Celebrating Hardliner’s entry into womanhood

Lawd have mercy
Hardliner catches her breath – putting her hand to her throat
Does she even dare to call herself – A Grand Dame Queen Beast
What the hell is stopping her from stepping into this power

“If you have to ask yourself this question Boo
Then your belief factor aint where it has to be”

She’s cool with that
Hardliner inhales deeply –
Taking in – that cool whiff of ancient that could only
Belong to the Irates
Welcome back yall

We never left baby girl

She had a good thang going with Hatshepsut
Although she gats a feeling that she and that
Badass diva gon hook up again sometime
But in the meantime she is happy
That she aint afraid to fly
Gurl friend is cruising right now and ready for whatever
Grand Dame Queen Beast gon come when she is ready
Now she stands – like Hatshepsut
Spine arched with nobility dripping from her pores
Waiting to see where Oya gon take her to next

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