Queen of Thrones Chronicles: About that Love


Hardliner is going down punkass
And like Faith Evans puts it down in her soulful testimony
“There aint no explanation on this Earth”
All gurlfriend knows is that she’s going through somethin
And that this badass R&B diva is letting it rip on Planet Hardliner
Sanging ‘bout tears of joy
She is pulling an Aretha Ms. Franklin
And slaying that song like a dayum beast

“Now all I know is your love
I tear up when I think about you, boy
You’ve got me so emotional
But when I cry now, they’re all tears of joy”

This right here is about love
Hardliner is going down real hard – real fast
To a Gawd-dayum love song – she berates herself bitterly
And it’s not like she is hearing it for the first time either
Its just that today – it seems like Ms. Faith
Gats this here song tore up more than usual
Like she is pulling it out from a place far beyond her gut man
And since Hardliner is also a recovering masochist
She gats the song on replay – jacking up her soul
With so much emotion that there aint no amount of tears
That can do it justice

Hardliner breathes through her soulful tremors
As Faith belts her testimonial
“You must be heaven-sent
With your crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy love, crazy love
Boy you got me so messed up, so messed up
Now all I know is your love
I tear-up when I think about you, boy”

Yeah – gurlfriend is messed up!
Tripping on something – seemingly supernatural
She casts her eyes heavenward to the Great I Am
Panic setting in as she suddenly grasps the full
Weight of this breakthrough
Lawd – anything but love – say it aint so
It is a plaintive plea – though inwardly Hardliner knows
That her Irates gon make her bleed today

Why speak of pain in the same breath as love Boo
They gently enquire

Because it has brought her some painful episodes in her life
She feels so – so
So blaaaaaaaah
Fucking exposed
Her frustrations bubble to the surface
Whilst the emotional deluge sweeps her under

Gurl you betta get yourself together
Going all Prissy the hen over this soppy love song

Hardliner closes her eyes – a certain relief settling over her
As Ms. Ego’s voice comes through like a beacon of light
When in emotional distress – her Ego has never failed
To bolster her up – to make her feel strong – impervious
Capable and shit!

But there are days Boo when you simply must let the tears fall
There are days when you must allow
Your emotional dams to bust wide open
To teach you about and experience the gift of love
And Hardliner – a High Queen knows that she is nothing
Without the acknowledgement and acceptance of love in her life
You can’t sit on your throne without acquiescing to love Boo

Her Irates lay it down – no thrills – no pampering
They are on the real
Send Ego back to her grave Hardliner
If she stays this breakthrough aint gon be pretty

When has her spiritual breakthroughs ever been pretty?
Humph – like she said she is a recovering masochist
So amidst those soul racking sobs
And Ms. Faith letting rip her tale of love and all
She still reaches for her ironed resistance – Ms. Ego

And bitch you had better do right by me
Hardliner hurls her fear and panic at her Ego
Cover my back

Like I have never always wanted your best interest
You were the one who sent me to the grave

Ms. Ego fires back at Hardliner with righteous condemnation
You were the one who sucked all that holy
Coming into thyself joy juice the Irates fed you
But we ride hard – we die hard
There aint no other way bish!

Her Irates ignore Hardliner’s Ego induced drama
Asking simply – in that calm – cool – collected
And ultra- civilized tone of voice that never fails
To send Hardliner’s left eye into a twitching frenzy
What is it about love that scares you baby girl

You don’t have to answer that
Breathe through the pain gurl and suck that shit up

Ego deftly responds as she tries to stem the tide of emotions
Pulling Hardliner under to meet her death

Instead the Irates let Faith take it to church on sista gurl
“Now all I know is your love
I tear up when I think about you, boy
You’ve got me so, so emotional
But when I cry now, they’re all tears of joy”

Hardliner flinches and looks to Ego for back up
And would you believe that heffa done clammed up?
Her balls gon AWOL – her jabber jaws shut tight
As if something supernatural has jacked her

You are dealing with love Boo
An energy as ancient as time itself
The Alpha and omega – the Rock of Ages and all that
Love is – just as God is
And you are experiencing its weight and depth
Do not fight it
Lay down your weapons Hardliner
And let your emotional damns bust asunder
You are stronger than you think

And what does she do with it?
How can she contain this energy?

Acquiescence is not ownership Hardliner
You cannot control love
You cannot contain it
You live in love and let it radiate in you
You speak with love
You fight with love
You act with love
You immerse yourself in it until you become part
Of its very essence
Boo – you are love

Hardliner realizes that this love song
Aint necessarily about romantic love
In this moment it resonates as love song to herself
The deepest kind that lives within
And the truth is – only when she loves herself unconditionally
Will she love wholeheartedly
Can nobody love her more than she loves herself
This is a powerful self affirming moment
And Hardliner gives herself over to this experience
Unconditional love requires forgiving herself for all her dirt
For false self-perceptions and untruths
That have kept her from believing that she is worthy of love
She gets it now – unconditional self love equals freedom!
And it floors Hardliner that she could love her daughter unconditionally
Forgiving her for every and anything – and yet
She – Hardliner – fails to do the same for her own self
She – Hardliner – will accept her daughter’s imperfection – and yet
She has not afforded herself such a kindness
Lawd-have-mercy – her dams have busted wide open
Rocking her core – sweeping her away to gawd knows where

You’ll be alright – let it flow
Her Irates soothe
Baby nobody loves you more than your Heavenly Father
He is your real daddy
You don’t have to wear an amour to protect yourself from Love
It is not necessary to be so hard on yourself
Because your Ego maintains that the world judges harshly
The harshest and meanest critic out there Boo – is you
When you give meaning to harsh judgement and criticisms from unloving persons
You are in fact choosing to live outside yourself
Your Daddy – The Great I Am – The All – God Almighty
Does not strip you bare with judgement and criticism
Oh – he will whoop your ass when you need correction
But his love is undefiled – unconditional and limitless
He only calls for you to give and receive love like he does

Mountains are being felled within her
And Hardliner finds herself prostrating before her alter
Letting rip an ugly cry that gats her feeling like sock
That’s being pulled from the inside out
Her dome is pulsating with the energy of a Baptist spiritual revival
As Ms. Faith shuts it down
“…when I cry now, they’re all tears of joy
Look how you got me crying”

Aint no way that Hardliner can stand right now
Love has brought this diva face down
She fought the good fight and was totally humbled by
It’s awesome cleansing power
Gurlfriend will give herself to the process
She will not try to analyse it
She will not try to control it
The only thing she can do is to trust it
Hardliner – Queen of badass – gon deal with love on its own terms
No matter how squeamish – transparent and defenseless she may feel
She is too grown to be punking out on her life lessons
And the greatest lesson being –
She is deserving of love
Something she thought she had figured out
Until she discovered that she had not figured out shit
One thing her life lessons have taught her is that
The mental picture most times is totally different
From the picture that exists within
So now sista gurl has to create a complete picture
Who she thinks herself to be must emanate from her inner being

Hardliner knows her inner Queen is ready
She may be face down – lapping up humility
And wailing like a newborn
But her tears are those of joy and gratitude
She is claiming her freedom – finally her mind and soul in sync
Gawd knows there will be days when love gon test her
Her inner ratchet will try to pull a nigga run
Her knees will sure as heyul hit the floor
She gon eat some more humble pie and the tears will fall
But there aint no shame in that
Cause she knows that LOVE has her back
Like she said – her inner Queen is ready

Her Irates applaud
Amen and Amen!


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