Queen of Thrones Chronicles: Sweet Love and Affection

Standard

Now Hardliner will never be a mushy person
No amount of accepting and receiving love undefiled
Gon change that fact
Sista gurl just don’t do cloying
She don’t do pet names like boo boo – sweetie – suguh
And sure as heyul no – Pookie
A sista gats a reputation to maintain

So what do you consent to?
Her Irates humour her –
Fully aware that she is in resistance mode

Right now gurlfriend is all about setting the limits
To which she gon extend herself in the throes of Love
Being that she is a control freak and all
Cause unconditional love don’t mean she gats to be all up
In her lion’s grill 24 /7 with terms of endearment
And hugs and kisses and what not
Oh – she gon get her freak on – climb the walls and shit
But that is as far as she gon go

We hear you Boo
Her Irates reply with a whiff of humour in their tone
Like they know something that she does not
Hardliner takes a deep breath – and keeps it movin’
She aint got time for pisstossicity

Since their last session – with her lying face down
And lapping up humility
The Irates have given her ample space to process
The self-awareness that hit her dome like a cyclone
Outta all her lessons – Love IS that bitch!
Yeh – she has arrived at some form of healing
With loving herself unconditionally and all that
And she understands the God thing ‘bout loving undefiled like he does
But Hardliner’s mental self-portrait and her internal selfie
Aint quite arrived at beautiful reconciliation as yet

In other words – you know what you have to do
But you are still afraid to show your love openly

Hardliner winces from the bite of their real talk

No – like I said – I am not a mushy typa gal

No Hardliner –
You are afraid to be vulnerable with your mate
Let’s not sugar coat the truth

Look thangs don’t just change over night
It is a process – though excruciating
But she did agree to meet love on its own terms

And you are already courting thoughts of
Reneging on your agreement –
But we already knew that you would go this route
And also you know within yourself that you want to backslide
Is this not so?

Hardliner raises her head from the mud tasting humility
That has permanently destroyed her taste buds
And takes in her surroundings
Aint no sky – azure blue or coal glittered black
Aint no nothing – but this colourless void
Seemingly chameleon like – forever changing
Forever throbbing – as though the vein of life sustains it
Coming to think of it – it is almost like she is
Encased in a womb or cocoon – awaiting her birth
Into that person who she is meant to be
But dang it- Hardliner’s queen is on her throne now
How many Gawd dayumed rebirths can a sister take
Feelings of frustration slowly bubble – threatening to
Boil over into pisstossicity
Sista gurl is trying to find some kinda clarity in this
Womb-like place because when pisstossicity takes over
It gon be over

Boo – your life will be in the state of rebirth until you die
Just because your queen has ascended
Does not mean that you have reached the pinnacle of your womanhood
Yes your queen rules over Planet Hardliner
But she is green and still in the throes of transformation
A fact that impossibly cannot escape you
On the account of your prostration in humility and all

Hardliner purses her lips – her inner ratchet
Is pricking her to say somethin funky
Her Irates seem to be taking pleasure in their pot shots
Nevertheless – this diva gon stay cool

It is so easy to rattle you
You do pisstossicity better than love
Why does discord feel safer than love?

Hardliner senses a change in direction to Oya’s winds
Her Irates have taken a very turbulent course

Huh?

Don’t play dumb Boo
Why does confrontation feel safer in your marriage
Than engaging in open and loving communication

The throbbing has intensified with bursts of light
Illuminating her empty – colourless surroundings

Let there be light Boo
Don’t fight this breakthrough
Her Irates counsel gently

She does not –

Personalise it – own it – I do not
They interject

I lack the courage to be emotionally open that way
I am seized by a frigid fear
I am not in control

Of what Hardliner

The gentle urging in their voice has suddenly taken on
The gravity of the Great I Am
That ancient energy that always makes her knees buckle
But this time she is already face down in her shit
All her new queen seems to be doing is wailing
She thought once that diva ascended to her throne
Thangs would have been real tight
Like Grand Dame Queen Beast would flow and glow
In – through and around her
But Gawd dayumed – all that bish is doing is wailing!
Like gurl shut the fu – umph
Shut it!

She is your ride or die chick Hardliner
She that warrior daughter of Oya who rides into
Your battles and shut them down
But you have to be willing to do the work to get her there
Yes your queen is on her throne
But remember the victories you scored to get her there
Now you have to hone her into that Grand Dame Queen Beast
Let her be seen
All you have to do is to step into your fears of vulnerability
Cause this is the only way you gon take courage by its balls
And don’t make a mountain out of it
The first demonstration of love will be the hardest thing
You will ever do –
But you will feel liberated
And the giving of yourself will get a lot easier over time

I hear you
Still a bit wary – Hardliner acquiesces to the discomfort
Not only is she lying face down but she is peeing on her dayum self
If this is what it take to live a limitless life
Then so be it
Love is a master teacher
And Hardliner aint exactly the model student

Boo you are a lesson by itself
They retort with some exasperation pricking their usually unruffled mien
But Love knew this from the on start
It is timeless and has the supernatural patience to school you

So Love should know that aint no way
Aint no how this chick gon call anybody Boo Boo or Pookie
Or her name aint Hardliner

Fight the good fight Boo
But stranger things have happened

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