Howya doing 43?!
Yes – she is acknowledging it
Claiming it – walking in it
And celebrating being a grown ass woman
Grooving to Pharrell’s ‘Happy’ anthem
As the sun gives birth to a brand new day

“Can nothin bring me down
My level is too high –
Bring me down – can nothing…”

Yasssssss – that Pharrell put it down on this joint
Though sista is still giving him the side eye
For his messy collaboration with that Thicke Boy
Ripping off Marvin Gaye like that
Come on now fellas – yall know yall weren’t right

But anyway that is another story
Cause sista is celebrating her birthday
And she is in a good place

Amen – Her Irates respond – flooding her done with good energy

Hardliner intends to have a positive day
Only recently she decided that birthdays are meant
To be observed with joy and optimism
In the past she chose to approach her birthday
Like it was just an ordinary day – and sometimes
She was moody and pessimistic
Just because she could
Hardliner shakes her head with regret
Thinking about all the goodness she wasted
All the fun-filled moments and happy dust she threw away
Being pissed off about her youth being stolen by advancing age
It took her a little while to realise that
Sitting squarely on her throne – reigning with wisdom
Gained by life experience
Trumps her insecure youthful days
She stands at the water’s edge
Her feet blissed out by the water’s gentle ministrations
This here contentment feels too good to be true
In revelling in this moment sista reminds herself that life
Does not work like that – all the time
She muses to herself that somehow – something always
Happens to bitch slap joy outta her dome

So now you have sabotage on the brain
Her Irates counter – stealing into her kill joy reverie
That could descend into a panic attack real quickly

Hardliner rolls her eyes – don’t get it twisted
She was not thinking about going to look for shit
To snuff out the good feelings she is experiencing right now
Sista was merely positing that being content and joyful within
Never seems to stay put in her life – that’s all
Aint nobody insinuated nothing about no sabotage

Why are you so defensive then?
They ask – and their tone is just a bit too
In-ya-face for her liking

Her feel good mood is taking some thug like blows right about now
And Hardliner spots a dark cloud on the very same horizon
That was rocking an azure blue just a few moments ago
Thunderous drumming awakens the air
Accompanied by flashes of light
Good Lawd – Oya is on the move
The Goddess of Change and Transition
Is wielding some wild crazy ass winds
What the hell is goin on – Hardliner wonders
Every-dayum-time a sista has some joy going on
Chaos arrives to shut it down
And dem Irates gats the gall to talk self-sabotage

Where is your peace Hardliner? – they ask serenely
In that detached tone of theirs

Sensing Hardliner’s discomfort about all this joy talk
Ms. Ego has taken matters into own capable hands
By packing sista gurl’s bags for Pisstossity Ville

Where is her peace – nigga please!
And by the way Ms. Ego brought along Ms. Ratchet for back up

If you are truly centred
All this joy talk will not unseat you
Why are you wary of joy Boo
The Irates move full speed ahead – unperturbed
About her little girl bitch fit

And Hardliner knows a thing or two about pitting
Her will against the flow of the Universe
Moments pass by as she suffers a flood of emotions
Finally she heaves a sigh of resignation

That quick – Ms. Ego retorts acidly
You gon wave that white flag so easy – like a punk

All her happy dust is gone
Pharrell has pulled a nigga run on her
And that grey cloud is multiplying like a mutha

Sometimes you have to fight for joy
Even if it means slaying your Ego
Pisstossity feels good now
But look at the funk it has created in and around you
All because of one little question –
Why are you so wary of joy?

Sista slays her ego and goes inward
Humility is the jail breaker and surrender is the peace maker
Hardliner admits that there is something terrifying about joy
Although everybody and their mama would like
To think that if they could – they would live each moment
Of their lives with fearless joy
But the truth of the matter is that many persons
Walk their life afraid to live with joy in their hearts

What is fearless joy mama?

The ability to live in the space of joy
Without fear that it will be taken away
Hardliner can never trust in a good thing for too long

And why is that?

She shifts uncomfortably – holding on to her
Fly-ass sabre for dear life
Ego slaying is like going up against the devil

But Christ gave you the victory
Come on baby – put down the sabre and pick up your shovel
Ego is more afraid of the shovel than that cute blade

But this grave is a bad mutha – she winces

And you are badda!

Hardliner feels vulnerable
Diva gurl don’t do vulnerable well
This lesson has gut her and continues to gut her
Vulnerability exposes all her insecurities and weak spots
And here comes good old joy – asking her to place her
Trust and faith the goodness of life
Opening her up to all sorts of unpleasant possibilities

Like what?

Embarrassment
Disappointment
Heartache

Hardliner you have to choose to be joyful
Joy is not dependent upon circumstance
You know this already
It is an ever flowing stream
Happiness is flighty as the weather
When your skies are grey she is nowhere to be found
That is why you aint gats no happy dust
Sparkling up the air right now
You have to choose joy in life’s unpleasant moments
And yes – in making that choice you are opening up
Yourself to the possibility that you could face pain
But the thing you should be focusing on is not
The unpleasant situation – but the fact that you
Are strong enough to handle anything
And that what you have cooking up in your mind
May never happen in the first place
Why open yourself to anxiety and fear
When you could be living in a state of joy

Hardliner’s dome is flooded with light
In the unfolding of this breakthrough
She never thought of joy being a choice
She thought it just came and got discouraged when
It would not stay for long
All the while she was courting happiness
And not choosing to live with joy
In this moment she realises that joy is no simple thing
It is finding and maintaining inner contentment
It is grounding energy
It is optimism
It is faith
And it is hope
Not just for the things she wants but just hope
Like in brand new days – new beginnings
Re-births – umph – second chances
O.K she gon do joy from now on
It is choice – her choice

She sniffs something in the air
Despite her breakthrough – Ms. Oya’s winds are still wild
Hardliner’s center lurches as she is lifted into the air
Gawd dayum – if she aint unceremoniously dropped on her ass
Or head -ducked under choppy seas
She is now being flung into the air – caught up in a testy twister

She calls out to her Irates
But is greeted by a void
Lawd have mercy – Hardliner moans
She knows the routine by now –
This is Spirit changing up the game
Sista is dropped like a sack of potatoes onto the ground
Or more like yellow brick –

Her eyes open wide in shock as the realisation
Lights up her dome like a super nova

Oh heyl no!

She looks down to find her feet encased in a pair
Of shinny read pumps

Oh heyl-to–dah-no!

She looks around her in disbelief
Good lawd – she cray cray for real she mutters
As Pharrell’s happy reverberates in her dome

Welcome to Oz – a new presence comes forth

A wave of nausea hits her –
The ‘come Hell or high water’ type of change and transition
Has landed her in freaking Dorothy Gale OZ
This is some shit!

Oh Gawd she gon puke!