Yellow Brick Road Chronicles: Trust issues

Standard

Hardliner don’t do quiet well
It unnerves her – quiet folk unnerve her
They are a set of dangerous mutherf-
Umph – see – there you go – sista gurl is on edge
Her new guides look like the ‘cool waters run deep-
And can turn psycho at any moment’
typa folk
Plus that dayum wolf is all up in her grill
With those intuitive luminous ice-blue eyes
This is the most quiet journey she has ever experienced
With any of her spirit guides /guardians / whatever
Dang – this chick don’t talk except when the need
To say something is paramount

She is frugal as a mutha- umph – Lawd Jesus
Let’s just say that she is real cheap with her word play
Hardliner has already made a few rest stops at Pisstossity Ville
On this Yellow Brick Road journey
Cause things are moving too sedately for her liking
Gurl friend has been praying to the Great I am for guidance
But something is just awf
The energy around her seems blocked
Joy – light – clarity cannot penetrate it
Something is just awf

Her guide turns to look at her knowingly
As Hardliner processes this new breakthrough
She is carries a strong mystical current
And sista gul cannot for the life of her
Read this tall and composed woman
It is like she gats to rely on her instincts to penetrate
These two – wolf included

You can pray for faith and guidance till pigs fly
But it is useless if you do not learn to trust yourself
To trust your intuition – your innate inner wisdom
To love and know God is to know yourself little one
This can only be achieved in inner stillness and quiet

Hardliner purses her lips cause her instincts tell her
That this chick gon ask about her daily meditation practice
The woman returns an intense stare
A hint of a smile tugs the corners of her mouth
And Hardliner fidgets like a little girl who is caught
Doing something naughty – yet her defenses are still in tact
Well – if you are asking – it aint! –
She prays but –

Normally wake up late then rush through a few prayers
And receive the new day irritably – succumbing
To a crazy haze of tasks before leaving your dwelling

If you wanna put that way – she responds tartly
It aint easy pushing out a kid for school and
Getting your shit ready for work each day
Gurl friend is met by silence – an unnerving silence
That compels her to get right with herself
Cause the bullshit really aint flying

Humility never tastes like cheese cake she utters bitterly
Nevertheless she swallows enough humble pie
To admit that she could do better
And that something else other than sheer laziness
Is at the root cause of her disobedience to the
Call to a committed daily spiritual practice

Everything worth achieving must be earned
Everything has a cost to it
Self- knowledge – inner wisdom – inner peace are not free
They come at a price – sacrifice being one such cost
What are you willing to sacrifice in answering your calling?
What price are you willing to pay little one?

Suddenly sweating bullets – Hardliner acknowledges
That her distress stems from feeling
Vulnerable in quiet moments with herself
A thing that floors her – considering that she
Has been meditating – albeit sporadically for
More than two decades now

Could it be that you have only placed tepid trust
In this process
Tell me little one – how can you do healing work on others
If you are disconnected from your own body – mind and spirit

He question resonates deeply with Hardliner
A shifting occurs within her
And the Yellow Brick Road journey has suddenly taken a new turn
With the road forking out in three directions
Providing a new quandary for Sista gurl to work through
If she trusted in her instincts she would know what to do
The silver furred wolf trots to her side
And Hardliner experiences a wave of comfort and strength
How is it that the thing you run from the furthest
Is the very same thing that you are most drawn towards
Sista should be scared of dem piercing blue eyes
But right now they do not intimidate her

She is confronted by her fear of being vulnerable
With her own dayum self
This is what active communion with her inner being requires
Sista can pray – with tears streaming down her face
She can feel God in her spirit
When she asks for guidance, wisdom and inner peace
But then she has little trust in herself
To recognise and use these gifts inwardly
She is unwilling to go past all her noise and confusion
To tap into her own vibration
To be in communion with her own body – mind and spirit
This is uncharted waters for sista gurl
And one never knows what they will find in all that deep
Hardliner stands at the forked crossroad
She turns to her spirit guide with confusion
And indecision swirling in her eyes

This is your choice to make little one
You know your purpose in the wheel of life
Now it is time to use your instincts
Along the path you must follow to fulfill this purpose
It is time to learn how to master those skills and talents
Required to do the work you were born to do
The first place to start is with yourself
Get quiet with yourself Hardliner
If you do not feel safe within your inner being
Where else can you find a safe haven
A man is truly lost if he does not trust himself
Enough to ingest the truth that lies within
How then can one arrive at a place of healing?
Or transcend to that place of self-acceptance and love
Without self-trust

The guide looks into Hardliner’s eyes
Speaking directly to her soul
You are more than your shell little one
You are mightier than you feel

Tears sting her eyes knowing that she cannot evade vulnerability
Every internal war her Ego has ever waged
Has been to protect her vulnerability
The barriers Ms. Ego constructed to keep
The away the world from viewing her authentic self
Were also used to protect Hardliner from her own self

What an epiphany –
She has been hiding from her self
Well – sista gon hit this here yellow brick
For a little while to let this breakthrough sink in
She aint going ah no wherss fast
On the account that she does not know which path to take
She glances at the wolf sitting on his hunches at her side
Hardliner gets the feeling that she and him gon be
Life long companions –
She will even accept that the animal knows more about
Her than she knows about herself
Like he is melted in her shadow
She bets he gats a smooth name like Silver Shadow or somethin’
Chuckling she turns to face the Woman
Whose facial expression tells Hardliner
That she just smacked that nail on the head – thus
Instantly vanquishing sista’s impish smile

Yall are creeping me out –
She feels nauseous as she watches the woman furtively
Wondering what is her name – to tell the truth
Sista feels too chicken shit to ask
Reading her thoughts the statuesque woman replies
I am called Nadie

Recognition of this name draws palpitations and some more sweating
For some time Hardliner has been aware of a name
Sounding like Nadia floating around in her dome
Knowing that it belonged to a spirit guide
She has had so many experiences with Native Americans
In lucid and spirit driven dreams
Moreover she would even hazard a guess that this chick is Lakota

Her wary glance is met with a graceful bow of the head
Stay calm Hardliner – she tries balance out the crazy
Energy vibrations that have turned her insides into jell-o
She has got to find away to avoid freaking out when
Her intuition bears fruit

And one other thing – she gats to contend with
Her gift of sight – or in plain text – seeing dead folk
Primarily one of the reasons why she has maintained some
Distance with meditation
Which in the past has unleashed some freaky ass shit
Now – if yall could hook a sista up by stopping
Pookie – who is dearly departed and buried 6 feet under
From jacking her up her sleep – always in the wee hours of the morning
Then all systems would be a Go with active meditation

The Universe does not broker deals
Nor recognise ultimatums
This is who you are Little one
The time has come to transition from knowing to being

Hardliner shakes her head in utter frustration
This chick aint listened to a word she just said
She stares down the Yellow brick Road ahead of her
Now a three pronged fork
This situation sucks cause she gats to move past her indecision
Left – right or straight ahead
Sista gats to freaking move
But she don’t like dealing with dead folk though
Inwardly she knows this is a life changing decision making moment
Because she has finally realised that in order to fulfill her destiny
She has to fit all of her pieces together to make a whole
Pookie and Company included

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