Yellow Brick Road Chronicles: Seeing me

Standard

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty, and witty and gay,
And I pity
Any girl who isn’t me today.

Hardliner is channelling her inner Dorothy
Skipping down that yellow brick – all girly and shit
Cause it is a good day
Albeit she gats a five loaves of bread
And two dayum fish situation
Which has to cover that limitless-full bodied-living
Your-purpose-life-plan of hers
In other words her audacious-pee-running-down-your-leg
Plan of relocation-and-further-education
Aint quite all come together as yet
And sista is done with the worry and the anxiety
Of wanting this thing that is soooooo much bigger than her
To manifest in her life
So she has surrendered her rainbow dream
Knowing that God is large and in charge

Today is a good dayum day – brimming with joyful expectation
The air feels clean and effervescent
With an unmistakable scent of lemon zest
Sweeping through her dome like a scourge
Against anxiety – indecision and pisstossity

See the pretty girl in that mirror there…
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy

Ooooooh look at you gurl – getting your twirl on
She however pauses in the midst of a girly skip
To acknowledge the vybe that has presented itself rather artfully
As an opportunity to explore the scenery of her self-image
And aint it just sooooooo artful – Hardliner wonders
With an eye roll – eh thank-you-very-much-spirit
How the scene with Viola Davis’ Aibileen – a la The Help
Telling that little white chile:
“You is kind – you is smart – you is important”
Is being played on an IMAX screen in her mind

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty…

But at the same time yall could have funked up
This Yellow Brick ride with some Earth Wind and Fire or somethin’
Hardliner slices a side eye in the direction of her two guides

Remember it is a good day little one
Nadie brings her back to good feelings

Yes indeed
She wonders however just exactly what has brought this glee on
There is strong flow of contentment within her
She smiles 24/7 – walks with a bounce in her step
And a joy in her heart
Despite that five loaves of bread and two measly fish
Financial situation she gats going on

Nadie silences her negative flow with a piercing
Chile-shut-your-mouth stare

Oh c’mon – she could not help herself

Help it – ingratitude cancels blessings
The statuesque woman replies in that sublimely
Serene manner of hers
Why do you question this joy bubbling within you

She is not knocking it
Hardliner can do joy
But it would seem that her happy place is rooted in the fact
She has at last found herself –
She is stepping in her own stride
After those long wilderness years of dimming her light
Just to make the people around her feel comfortable
In living with their insecurities
New dawn – new day
And Hardliner aint all that bothered
With what people think of her
Although she is taken a back to discover that she
Has never thought about the self image she has cooked
Up in her cray –cray head

Sista’s gurly skip folds into a skidding halt infront of a
Huge neon green sign screaming – ROAD UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Next to it a pointer with the word DETOUR
Signals some little ass dirt road in the middle of a dense wood
Oh heyul no!
Gawd dayum! – story of her life
Hardliner can bet Pigtails never had no road under construction
Drama on her Yellow Brick stroll to the Emerald City
Sista has been working that Tweety Bird coloured Brick
Since God made dirt
And she aint seen not one sign of that green ass city
Silver shadow lops passed her – taking the detour
He turns to face her – those ice-blue intuitive eyes
Calling her to follow him
I’m comin – she responds testily

Hardliner moves to follow
But is aware of Nadie’s sudden withdrawal
She turns to question the guide who bows
From the waist – I will meet you anon

Say what?
You gon leave me here with a wolf on a dark dirt road

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty
That the city should give me its key.
A committee
Should be organized to honor me

Oh shut up!
Hardliner is in the grips of Pisstossity
And that silly ass song is rocking her dome
Shattering glass ceilings

How did she get from skipping gleefully
To this situation

Many roads lead to the Emerald City
And not all of them are paved
Some are narrow and dark
With no signs to guide you
The road you must follow lies within

Amidst the pretty drama going on in her dome
Silver Shadow still finds her
As sista fiddles around in the dark
Aint no skipping around for you boo – she comments
With pursed lips that Tamar Braxton would be proud of

Do you strain to see yourself in the dark sister?
The large wolf’s presence is gentle in her mind
Or the does the darkness matter at all?

Like this dayum wolf gon pull this cryptic nonsense now?
Sista is primed for responding with a zinger
But she realizes that regression aint gon help
Her to get off this stretch of dirt road

What do people get – when they get her?
She would like to think
Honesty – sincerity – wisdom – courage – creativity
Somewhere – beyond her gut Hardliner knows
There is more that she has not tapped into
On her spiritual journey into herself
She has found that there is always MORE
Yet is she happy with how she views herself
How she is perceived by others
What does she believe others think of her
And is she truly unfazed by that shit
Can she see herself in dark moments
As well as in illuminating light
Those Gawd dayumed questions have shattered the remaining
Glass ceilings in her dome
Throwing her mind into deep confusion
A fresh blast of lemon zest hits her nostrils
Its purifying scent replacing the chasing disquiet in her dome
With some measure of serenity

Looking at Silver Shadow ahead of her
Moving fluidly in the dark – weaving in and out
Of the grove of trees
His unearthly blue eyes are luminous
Hardliner inhales deeply – pulling in that lemon zest into her lungs
She straightens her spine – saying to herself
Follow the wolf I guess

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