Yellow Brick Road Chronicles: Shining star

Standard

There is a word for shit like this
Hardliner is sure of it – although nothing comes to mind
And she could succumb to the lust of Pisstossity
Deliciously warming her belly
But gurlfriend gats to keep her wits about her on this intimidating
Nocturnal trek through an eerie medieval type of wood
And to think – you were skipping all happily doo-da
Down that Yellow Brick like a nut two blinks and a wink ago
Now look at this here sit-chu-ation
Talk about the game changing on your ass
Caught up in her internal dialogue
Sista trips on an errant stone – gifting her an ankle twist
Which she repays in kind with a rancid cuss

What do people get when they get you?

Lawd Jesus – back to that – been doing that
Now – dayum near close to shutting that thang down
With already having done that
Only to come back to that – stupid ass question

What do people get when they get you?

Well – Hardliner would like to think
A superbad-fearless-speak-her-mind-strong and shit chick
But instead she is faced with Ms. Self-Deprecator
The ‘other woman’ in her dome who likes to remind her
That she really aint a superbad-fearless 
Speak-her-mind-strong and shit chick
Cause Ms. SD is a realist – whose sole mission
Is to prevent Hardliner from getting too ahead of herself
In believing herself to be who she is actually NOT
Which is a superbad-fearless-speak-her-mind-strong and shit chick

Oh shut up!

Sista gurl needs a day off from this schizoid drama
Which has superseded her own norm of cray cray
She is plucked from the chaos of her inner dialogue
By a pair of ice-blue luminous eyes that read her
Mental and emotional grids like a novel
Silver Shadow has been effortlessly lopping in and out
Of the dark grove in silent – confident strides
Maybe she is masochistic – but Hardliner wonders
What the great wolf sees when he – eh – experiences her
But then again – maybe she is more of a chicken shit
To actually want to know
Hardliner stops her woodsy trek to acknowledge
A rather nauseous realisation about herself
The one about her reaching for negative perceptions
Of anything related to her – rather than reaching for the positive

Well I’ll be!
That is an odorous suckerpunch to the nasal passage
Basically Hardliner has just stepped into the sphere
Of Ms. Self-Deprecator – that part of herself
Sista knew existed but until now – never acknowledged
The funk she emanates
Ms. SD – the other woman in her dome who
Diminishes / devalues / water downs
Her achievements / talents /accomplishments / attributes
In the name of a jacked up humility
Hardliner leans on a tree – feeling the brunt of nausea
That rolled up on her like drive by
Being confronted by your shit aint for the faint hearted
This is a total oxymoron typa situation
A superbad-fearless-speak-her-mind-strong and shit chick
Aint gats no business being friends – heyul – aquiantances
With the likes of Ms. Self-Deprecator
And that has always been Hardliner’s problem
Trying to reconcile her mental self image with
The internal drama she gats going on

Which brings her back to a itsy-bitsy – big ass question
That Silver Shadow flatlined her with
“Do you strain to see yourself in the dark?”

Or more like – is she straining to see an image
That is simply not there – because she is unwilling to see herself
In her dark spaces?
And this can land a sista in a whole lot of hot-ass water
With the image she portrays to the outside world
Since how she sees herself internally helps to shape
The image people have of her in their minds
Self doubt – for instance – a dark space on her internal landscape
She has done a lot of work on herself in that regard
But it is something she continues to battle
Leaning against the tree – she swipes her hand
Against her clammy forehead
Finding herself inhabiting a space between
Breathlessness and a type of supernatural serenity
Sista gurl instinctively knows which part is her
And which part is Spirit
Silver Shadow stops his effortless trek through
The dark wood and turns back
His eyes are relentless – that ice blue light boring into her soul

Give a gurl a moment here -to grapple with her shit

“Or to wallow in your drama little sister”

Ouch!

“But it would appear that your Ms. Self-Deprecator’s
Hold on your inner belief system
Is more powerful than your strength or will  to break it
The wheel of her destructive internal dialogue
Will only be broken if you separate yourself from your drama
Are you not a wheel breaker little sister?”

Hardliner aint feeling that wolf – at all
This breakthrough has just hit her like…

“It is not about the what – but the why
Why are you here Hardliner?”

She looks off into the distance for a while
Then opens the door to her dome – letting in
That supernatural calm – bringing with it peace and clarity
To stand in her uncomfortable truth

Hardliner looks at the wolf
She – eh – I am here to illuminate this here
Dark of my internal landscape
I am here – ready and willing to break Ms. Self Deprecator’s wheel
Hardliner feels a loosening of its spokes as she takes it head on
She acknowledges that this has less to do with noble humility
But more to do with her fear of being illumined by purpose
Hardliner realises that when she is in her flow
When she is doing that thing she was created to do
Doggonit -mama be superbad!
Yet she has never really – truly claimed her superbadness
Preferring to hide behind Ms. Self Deprecator’s humility
Only now realising that it serves something
Dimming the light of her purpose deflects attention

Hardliner takes a deep ass breath
Wait a minute -that’s messed up
She dimmed the light of her purpose
Because in full illuminating power people see her
Not just the surface – but soul deep
For purpose does not flow any other way
And she encounters the uncomfortable feelings
Of being wide open to criticism and rejection in her element
That is a hard blow – when you are in the sublime flow
Of doing what you were born to do and get trashed for it

“But that is when you lose sight of your purpose
And get caught up in the flow of other people
With their own agendas – which have nothing to do with you’”
Silver Shadow cautions

Dead end – Hardliner mutters
She sets up a few equations in her mind
Ability + talent = purpose
Purpose + vulnerability = superbad
Main point – there aint no superbad without the vulnerability
Of being open hearted
And here’s another equation for ya
Vulnerability + Hardliner = run nigga run!

Annnnnnnnd another wave of nausea hits
As Ms. S.D’s funk pops some more caps in her nasal passage

Take it like the wheel breaker you are bish!

So here is the question – what do people get when they get you?
Well Hardliner is Ok with answering that she is just finding out herself
For starters – she be a superbad-fearless-speak-her-mind
Strong and shit chick
Who will graciously accept words of praise for her giftings and talents
Knowing that it is not about the WHAT she does but the WHY she does it
And that is to fulfill God’s purpose and vision for her life
Not only does she believe this – she intends to inhabit
Those bitch-ass uncomfortable spaces of vulnerability
To be that superbad-fearless-speak-her-mind-strong and shit chick
God – help her!

Dang – is that music she hears in the distance
Lawd – if that was not the intro to Earth Wind and Fire’s ‘Shining Star’
That intro is everythang!

‘When you wish upon a star
Your dreams will take you very far
But when you wish upon a dream
Life ain’t always what it seems
What’d you see on a night so clear…’

Sista gats some soul in her swag now – c’mon!
But wait a minute
Last thing she remembers was leaning against a tree
Fully engaged in a woe is me moment
When did she start walking this path again
Sista aint gon debate that – she gon keep it movin’
Trying to analyse the flow of Spirit is futile
And oooooooh apart from that –
The warm and joyous glow of a soft emerald green light suffuses her

Sweet Jess-us
Sista has found the brick again!
Hallelujah!
And she finally gats a good theme song
To work all this here yellow with the funk it deserves

‘You’re a shining star
No matter who you are
Shining bright to see
What you could truly be’

Hardliner is working a fierce electric slide
Down the Yellow Brick road
She aint gats Toto – but she gats a wolf
She senses the warm energies of ancestral guides
Adding to the out of this world emerald green light
Filling her inner and outer spaces
They are celebrating her
And that brings a tear or two to her eyes
Not only are they celebrating her superbadness
But her victory in finally believing herself to be just that

Yasssssssssssss!
Mama is doing her thang

‘You’re a shining star
No matter who you are
Shining bright to see
What you could truly be

Shinning star for you to see
What your life can truly be
Shinning star for you to see
What your life can truly be…’

She’s a dayum shining star!
What a soulful revelation!

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