Hardliner #159: Rolling Hills: Motherhood Whoop-ass

Standard

Yasssss a sista is pimping resistance right now
She is just gon come out and be real with this here situation
Hardliner aint wanna do no inner child work
She aint in the mood for no Sweet Chile drama
Spiritual Awareness can crawl right back up her nether regions
She aint gats time today

Oooh Chile you better clean that up
Ms. Renna appears in her path – her perceptive stare eats up
Every flash of emotion in Hardliner’s eyes
Before sista could even pull off a decent poker face

I aint in the mood Ms. Rennah

As if Spirit cares about what you want chile – the wise
Earth Mother replies as her eyes take in sista’s emotional landscape

Nice view – Hardliner bites back
Yeh – that’s petty – but sista feels like
She is against the ropes getting her ass kicked
Cause Spirit has decided to dig up all her comfort like weeds
To achieve its purpose – with sublime indifference to how she feels about it
That don’t sit well with Hardliner who is a firm believer in free will
And it is her will not to mess with Sweet Chile today
In fact – this aint a good time for anything
Except a lengthy vacay in Pisstossity Ville
2020 has gone down thug on a sista
Except for that Cheeto – who she will not name – being recently deposed
This year has jacked her shit up
And the bitch still gats some more game to run before she is done
Wheeeeew chile – Hardliner feels the sweet righteous release
Of a woe is me refrain from her gut – making its way up the back of her throat
Chile – today her throat chakra gon sing!

Like a cat in labour – comes the clap back that
Brings the curtains down on her woe is me solo

Umph – lawd not today Jesus – Hardliner moans
Turning to find the Almah in her path – half expecting
One of the fiery earth mother’s soul quaking lectures
Instead the crimson garbed Earth Mother outstretches her arms –
A knowing smile tugs the corners of her mouth – come here chile

Well  – in all her life – Hardliner has never run towards an embrace
Cause well – Ms Ego would throw a hissy fit
But see – this one right here has her true name including all her
Aliases with various addresses stamped all over it
Ms Ego is apoplectic – watching Hardliner lose her High Queen grace
Pimping a fugly cry – snot rolling – body shaking
Against Ms. Almah’s ample bosom – Bish are you serious?

Even as she faces her Ego’s violent resistance to pimping tears
Hardliner finds herself totally undone – experiencing
This soulful retching that she has no control over
In her woeful state the powerful awareness hits her
All this here drama is about her need to exercise control
This is the divine lesson that she has been avoiding
But then again Hardliner has always known she is a control freak

And yet – knowing something and doing something about it
Are two different things baby girl – Almah states
As she gently rocks the sobbing Hardliner in her arms
What are you fighting to control in this moment?

Hardliner realises that for her to receive the grace of this breakthrough
She would have to slay her Ego with the sword of surrender
She acquiesces to the process – breathing deeply
To still her mind and open her heart
She used to think that marriage administered her most severe ass whoopings
But she did not counter on motherhood biding its time
To thug her out like a hoe who stole someone’s man
Dayum near snatched all her edges
Motherhood gats her feeling powerless – wide open and vulnerable
And angry as a mutha fucker – ooooooh sista felt that release soul deep
Umph – sorry about the stank in her word play
But a sista is going through some thangs at the moment

Keep breathing baby – Ms. Rennah states
The aroma of the sage she is burning infuses the air
And loosens the tight coils of anger and frustration around Hardliner’s heart
That throat chakra is a bit salty – keep breathing
Surrender will apply some balance to it
What are you trying to control chile

My daughter’s recovery
Hardliner closes her eyes – as she pulls and pushes
The sage infused air in and out of her lungs
Of late her daughter has been plagued by a series
Of health issues that have kept her in and out of school

Don’t sugar coat it Boo – call a thing a thing
Almah interjects with some steel in her voice

My child is suffering with anxiety
That has made her emotionally and mentally fragile
Hardliner says in a small voice – almost childlike

And that makes you feel – Almah asks

Powerless because I cannot control how she overcomes this

This is her journey baby girl
All you can control is how you react to her experience
What do you fear?

Hardliner takes a moment to centre her thoughts
She surmises that truth don’t always taste good

But you must swallow it anyway to live that authentic life
Go on chile – speak that foul-tasting truth

People’s judgement of her mothering skills
Like she cant control her thirteen year old chile
Being late for work or not being able to go to work
Cause her chile is an emotional wreck in the morning
Basically Hardliner fears what her daughter’s school and
Her work supervisors would think of her vulnerability
Like she would be put on the naughty list or something
Sista feels the resentment towards her daughter bubble to the surface
And immediately she moves to suppress it

Stop – let your emotions unfurl baby
This is a stressful time – Ms Rennah’s musical
Voice is working its magic with the sage incense
Acknowledge what you feel with out heat or judgement
I feel –

Umph – Hardliner feels a churning in her stomach and a lump in her throat
I feel resentful towards my daughter when I have to miss work or call in late
I feel resentful that I don’t have a moment’s peace to myself
I feel resentful that I have to live her fears
I feel resentful that she displays weakness
Jesus lawd – Hardliner can’t believe that came out of her mouth

Keep breathing baby – Almah states as she rubs circles on Hardliner’s back
While Ms. Rennah softly in her lilting voice recites the 23rd psalm
No heat no judgment – you are going through this experience with her
In your own way
You need to find the lesson in this

I am struggling to feel God in all this
But half the time I am pissed off at him
Knowing full well that the pisstossicity only boomerangs

God IS baby
He meets you where you are
And though you tread the valley of anxiety – confusion and despair
He will not change his lesson plan for you
You need to understand the lesson in this experience
Almah releases Hardliner and looks her dead in the eyes

Stop being so hard on yourself gurl
The only control you can ever exert is over
Your reaction to the experiences in your life
Your daughter came through you –
She has her own journey and stories to tell
You have no control over that

Hardliner receives the pearls of wisdom
Given to her by the fiery Earth Mother
And she is determined to wear them too
She looks out and over her grassland
And revels in the peace in this moment
Of late she has been fighting feel the embrace of peace
She is been fighting herself too
And Hardliner is just thankful to be here in this moment
Knowing that although motherhood is thugging her out
It aint personal

Leaving you to sort out your issues with Sweet Chile
Ms Rennah supplies with that beatific smile of hers
Triggering a trickle of acid to lick Hardliner’s nervous gut

Come on now – Ms. Almah moves to counter Hardliner’s resistance
It aint nothing personal

Umph – cue in the side eye

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