Sweet Chile Chronicles: That come to Jesus

Standard

It seems that sista gurl has been waiting for READY to
Hit planet Hardliner for dayum near her entire life
However – that perfect state of READINESS has been elusive
As a full hairline on a weave queen
What Hardliner has learned is that there is no one magic button
To turn on READINESS
A sista gats to pull readiness out of crevice, crack or bottomless black
Through the sheer force of will if she gats to get her life
Now Hardliner is tired – battling oneself is an exhaustive messy business
Without outright inviting the woe is me soliloquy to slay her centre stage
Hardliner feels the need to compromise by allowing a little self-pity
To light up her downstage left
A sista gats to have something to work with

No wonder you aint going nowhere fast
If these are the tools you are working with

Enter Upper stage left – Ms Rennah who strides across
Hardliner’s stage with purpose illuminating her eyes
Even though that whimsical smile tugs the corners of her mouth
Hardliner knows that the amber robed Earth Mother means business
Baby girl that pitiful light is doing a bare minimum
To illuminate your stage
You can hardly see anything

It is serviceable Ms. Rennah

Umph hmph – the wise Earth Mother’s perceptive stare unnerves Hardliner
Finding purchase in her gut – which has begun to get its sauna on
Hardliner manically fans her face as sweat glistens her forehead
Leading her to believe that maybe this here situation is a menopause drive by
Until she catches the roar of drums over her rolling hills
Becoming full bodied with every fleeting moment
Now sista’s stomach gats it pretzel on – cause she knows
Oya – aka Change and Transition gone tear up her stage

Chile it done toe up already 

Hardliner closes her eyes amidst her panic
Musing that this must be a cosmic joke
Deep breaths girl she counsels herself
Trying to snatch peace from the jaws of panic
She opens her eyes to face Ms. Almah holding court
On her centre stage like the Grande High Queen she is
Umph – sista succumbs to a mind splitting free fall into deeeeep-ass breathing

All this here drama because you resist your lessons
Rennah is at her side now – rubbing those magic circles on her back
Though Hardliner could do without the back rub – soothing as it is
That bish normally works from the inside out
Making sista spew up all her internal drama – literally
She aint down for no emotional and/or physical puking today – no sir

Oooooh chile you are backed up
The Earth Mother’s palms radiate heat as their circular motion
Stir up all manner of unpleasantness in Hardliner’s gut
Ummp umph – Sista fights the flow
Sweating – doubled over – experiencing Oya’s fire eating drums
In the region beyond her gut
Hardliner is fighting!

Why baby girl – Ms. Rennah asks gently
The compassion in her eyes nearly tips Hardliner over
That Earth Mother is a stone cold ninja
All this drama – she is part of you and when you deny her
You are in essence abandoning you

Hardliner begins to heave – bitch-ass – bitch-ass bitch!

Too much salt in your mouth little girl
Almah joins Rennah at Hardliner’s side
Your mama was right – you are a masochist

Hardliner whips her head up – fury in her eyes
Dang Almah even for you that is a low blow – bad form

No heat – no judgement baby girl – you would rather
Suffer than get your breakthrough
That is pure stupidity – because you know better
The fiery Earth Mother is unapologetic and is pulling no punches

The deafening thunder of Oya’s drums has seemingly
Courted a wicked whirling wind with devilish speed
Together they are laying waste to Hardliner’s stage
Look around you chile – this is your internal landscape
Almah states – her eyes brimming with challenge

Hardliner realises that she aint downstage left no more
But in the eye of Oya’s tornado on centre stage
Fuhhh – retching snatches the profanity before it flies out of her mouth
Oooooh Jesus – ok – sista is open honest self-introspection
Bitch why do you fight? – she asks herself
Oya is whooping your ass like a runaway slave
In between breaths and retching she acknowledges
Her Ego has been holding her centre stage hostage
Ms. Ego don’t like Sweet Chile – she would rather
Drive them up to the gates of hell then deal her inner child

All this here drama because you do not want to get in touch with
Your inner child – Ms. Rennah’s voice is gentle and smooth like honey
Amidst the swirling wind and drumming séance
Fear can make you set up shop in dark desolate places
I can smell its air of permanent residency on you
Oya has come to tear down your digs
Why do you fear Sweet Chile Baby
Her hands are working their magic on Hardliner’s back
And sista gurl does not have the fight left in her to resist the process
As she regurgitates her resistance to inviting her inner child
To those Come to Jesus counselling sessions

Ms. Rennah applies subtle pressure to Hardliner’s back rub
Like she is unravelling kinks and sista empties her bottomless black again
Umph – she pleads with herself to choke on her clap backs and wise cracks
She gone be a good girl – promise
She will let Sweet Chile play in her sand box – swear ‘fo God

Ms. Almah gives her that side eye that always elicits
Streams of pee down her leg

Ok – I am open to reconciling my shit with my inner child
No more circles Ms. Rennah please
A sista is all sweat out and smelling funky
And yall gats to let me have shit – cause its the only word
Right now that gives my phrasing soul in describing this here drive by experience

Ms. Rennah smiles – a sweet melody riding the wings
Of a gentle breeze fills the empty space left behind by the retching
Hardliner blinks her eyes – trying to find purchase in the reality of the moment
Oya’s whirling winds have gone – her drums of fire slowing receding
No longer a hot mess – she is adorned in a flowing white dress
Sista Gurl drops to her knees with exhaustion
Note to self – don’t ever try that shit ever again
Dem Earth Mothers are a special type of gangster
She pulls in sweet breaths of air whilst her hands
Play with the grass carpeting her verdant vale
Spirit is on the move – setting another scene
And it is beautiful
She lays on the grass – face up to an azure sky
Peace comes and Hardliner acknowledges that she could find
Such glory and beauty underneath her pain
If only she was not afraid to face it
Trusting the process is like the kiss of death to a control freak
Aint no more options to weigh – there is only one
Come to Jesus with Sweet Chile – on a regular basis
Her masochist pimping days are over – and she means that shit
She would be dayumed if she gon prove her mother right

Hardliner is pulled out of her thoughts by the presence
Of someone other than her guides
She pulls in some of that fresh – buoyant air and sits up
To meet the weary gaze of Sweet Chile
Her fragile innocence stirs something inside Hardliner
That hits her inner fight or flight button

Hardliner’s indecision meets the steady gaze of Almah
Then she turns to Sweet Chile – who expects to be turned away
Hey Sweets – come sit with me
The smile on the child’s face was nothing short of beatific

Finally – Almah approves

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