“If you would take your mind off your little woe is me story
You would see that although you’re being whooped
By marriage and mother hood minus a maid and all
Your wimpissity is being chipped away to reveal the
Bad-ass moxie living underneath”

So said her Irates a pair of Chanel knock- awf
Peep toes a while back
She can still feel their impact on her temple

Every time she thinks about succumbing
To a “woe is me” binge fest
Here come a flying shoe – indiscriminate in its landing

Cut a diva some slack
There was a time when she was mighty surly
About the fact that
Her marriage was on life support
Her career was about as fulfilling as a low carbs diet
Her body was well knackered – with an accumulated belly fat
Thinking that disco was back for good
And then there was Pookie and company

“Now you are on a back in the day woe is me binge
There is a Prado stiletto waiting
To love you somethin fierce
Should you continue with that mess”
Her Irates are on the real today

Hardliner subdues her defiant spirit
Like a little chile awaiting her liberation
From the sorry corner
Oh Gawd – what has she become

“A woman who keeps her big girl panties on
Hardliner give thanks for the fact that your marriage
Has been taken off life support
You have a career plan and your job is going somewhere
And your body is on its way to being a stone cold fox
From your daily workouts
And you are more accepting of Pookie and his ethereal crew
What in God’s name are whining about mama?
Oh what the hell!”

And here come the Prado stiletto
Straight bam in the middle of her forehead
Dang it

“Hopefully it will activate your third eye
Gentleness don’t always work with you Boo”

Dang it she is fighting a war here
Fighting to hold on to her self
Yet searching for some way to reinvent herself
But there is a part of her that has not left puberty
And is stuck on wanting to get an invitation to
The popular girls’ party
Cause Hardliner has always wanted to be
Part of a ride hard / die hard tribe
Grown as she is – Hardliner still wishes she was part
Of a tight crew

“A feeling of belonging to something?”

How adolescent
Hardliner feels sore inside
She feels for Sweet Chile
When does the hemorrhaging stop?
Cause she don’t want to binge on pity no more
But the dull ache of lack has suddenly
Begun to rip out her insides – like – like

“Labour pains mama
That is the thing with enlightenment
What starts out as indigestion ends up as child birth”

What the fu- umph

Breathe Hardliner
Take in this breakthrough
Accept it – do not fight
The pain will gut you

Ooooh dear – oh dear –  oh dear
Are there tears in queen diva’s eyes

Enough already

“Own this lack within you – sit in it
Why is it important to you to belong to a tribe?”

Hardliner is sweating and breathing profusely
She does not feel enough
Like there is a piece of her missing
Growing up as an only child she felt lonely

“Personalise it – I felt lonely”

Lawd Jesus

I felt lonely
I craved acceptance
I craved validation
I craved love
Being part of a tight tribe of friends
Would fill the whole of not being enough
And I carried Sweet’s issues of not being enough into adulthood
Not tall enough
Not brave enough
Not sexy enough
Not good enough
Not wise enough
Not beautiful enough
Not popular enough
Not rich enough
Not focused enough
Not smart enough
Not open enough
NOT freaking ENOUGH

Jeeeze enough already

“Birth is part of life Hardliner
And the outcome is always beautiful
You are making way for a new life
To embody new skin – a new way of being
Push this breakthrough out Boo”

How does she comeback from not enough

“Forgiveness then surrender
Forgive yourself for believing that you lacked anything
Surrender this lack to the Universe
Constantly affirm that you are enough
Know that you are a beloved child of God
In need of nothing
And that YOU ARE ENOUGH
YOU ARE ALREADY VALIDATED
YOU ARE ALREADY ACCEPTED
YOU ARE LOVED
By the All – Great I AM
YOU embody meaning and purpose
The outside world cannot give you these things
Because you already own them”

Umph
Hardliner is experiencing a mean – fugly cry
From the depths of her soul
She is all snot – sweat out and heaving heavy breaths
A total nightmare for a sista with a high end weave
But dang it she feels whole
With the newness of life brimming within her
Nina’s earthy timbre rings through the air
Mama’s singing somethin soulful

“Birds flyin’ high, you know how I feel
Sun in the sky, you know how I feel
Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me.
Yeah, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day,
It’s a new life for me, ooooooooh…
And I’m feelin’ good”

Ummmph – sang it mama!

“Indeed!”