The Great I Am has a way of making people earn
Their badass self-affirmations through blood and sweat
Sista gurl has discovered that embodying
Grand Dame Queen Beast is different
To popping off this affirmation as loud as she can
Hence the reason for her prostration before God right now
She aint gats time for a cute preamble
Or to dilly dally through stubborn resistance
And gurlfriend gon take this here breakthrough
Face down in the sand – arms wide open – before her ocean

This is indeed a new day
Her Irates observe

Yeh – it almost seems sacrilegious
Without her usual resistance kicking up a storm
But this little crisis has brought sista low
And she is searching for answers as to how
To deal with her eight year old daughter
Cause old school discipline don’t do jack
Except to raise her high blood pressure
Despite her humble prostration – Hardliner could
Feel the throbbing at the base of her head
Just thinking about the eye cutting – shoulder shaking
24/7 back chat – attitude slinging action
She is getting from her little girl
Ooooh Lawd have mercy – umph!
She will do something with that chile

Whose apple tree did she fall from mama?
And by the look of things that apple may be still on it

Yall aint helping – Hardliner retorts sourly

Get up Hardliner –
You are not ready for true prostration

How do you mean…? Sista is indignant!
I’m not eating this here sand for nutritional purposes

When you are ready to come before your Father naked –
Stripped of your Ego’s armour –
Open and willing to do some soulful digging to get
To the truth – then you can talk prostration
Rise mama – and get to work

Hardliner sucks her teeth with ratchet like grace
As she looks down to find a shovel at her feet
She aint in the mood for no grave digging

And you can start by losing that righteous indignation
You are holding close your bosom

Hardliner takes a moment to centre herself
With some deep breathing
She admits that in all her submission
She still carries residual frustration and anger
If she is to walk into a brand new day with her daughter
She has to stop breast-feeding Ego on the sly
Sista closes her eyes – whispering fervent prayers
For forgiveness and inner peace –
In order to face this breakthrough

What are your objectives where motherhood is concerned?

Getting it right –

What is right Boo – could it be that your issues
With perfection are hindering your ability to parent wisely?

Hardliner imbibes their counsel – she never thought of that
All she wants to do is to find and maintain an easy flow
Between she and her little girl

Nothing about motherhood is and will ever be easy
Just reconcile with this truth
And there is no right way to mothering
But actually a process of trial and error
You learn as you go along
Again – what is it that you want Boo?

Control – plain and simple
The constant defiance from her daughter
Is driving her crazy
How can she bend this child to her will?
Why she gats to say things over and over again
Dang – it is so exhausting

1 – Stop the pissy whine
2 – You are over forty and you still have submission issues
Why are you going off on your child?
The sole priority of a child is to test your limits
To teach you a thing or two about yourself
When your Granny went old school on you – did it work?
Did you feel that you were understood?
Did you think that she considered your feelings?
Did you like being made to feel that
You were unentitled to your feelings of hurt and anger
Because you were a child?
Come on – did it work for you Boo? – they press
It is time to step into the light of the truth
And the truth is… her Irates open the way for Hardliner

Sista closes her eyes – reaching for inner strength
The truth is her –

Personalise – my

The truth is I am raising my 8 year old self
The truth is half the time I feel like
I don’t know what I’m doing
The truth is my mothering model is old school
Practiced and passed on by my Grandmother
And relationship between my child and I
Mirrors the relationship I had with my Grandmother

Hardliner processes this ah ha moment in breathless wonder
Old school don’t work with her daughter
Shouting – threatening and the occasional spanking
But mostly shouting – is accomplishing jack shit
How does she proceed?
Hardliner stops digging and plops down
In defeat in the centre of the shallow grave

Rise up to meet this awakening mama
Dig deeper – that hole has no depth
Remember that what you project to the world
Is merely a reflection of your inner self
What is your inner response to mothering?

Hardliner is nonplussed
What the hell are dem Irates going on about?

For example Hardliner – when your daughter defies you
What meaning do you attach to it?
Do you feel bereft of something?
Control is not real issue here Boo
Because as her mother it is your duty
To construct boundaries for your child
What is the real issue here?

Her Irates are trying to take her to a place
Of reconciliation that Hardliner finds very uncomfortable

Well – it is the disrespect for her authority
Sista was taught that kids do not answer back
Rolling her eyes skywards Hardliner acknowledges
That her middle name as a child was back chat
She feels an unravelling within – a hidden truth
Coming slowly into the light
Any time girlfriend faces disobedience or insolence
From her daughter – it elicits Ego based anger
Because she attaches respect to validation and self-worth
She feels that her worth as mother is challenged
Hardliner catches her breath as an awareness hits her
Could it be that underneath her insecurities lies
The belief that she is not enough to be a good mom
Oh – this grave is the devil
Why yall made me dig up that shit?
Now she gon be second guessing every decision she makes
Failing at motherhood is not an option for sista gurl
She needs to do right by her kid

Breath this out mama – you are hyper ventilating
Calm and steady – her Irates offer their support

No – yall gats me over heated and exhausted
From all this grave digging shit

Breath Hardliner – her Irates provide a grounding
Energy to support their charge
As she gets over her little awakening crisis

Baby girl there is no perfect mother
Your child – by virtue of being a child
Is testing the waters of life
She too is going by trial and error
That is how she learns – but your job as her
Mother is to be her guide on her life’s journey
You cannot live her life for her Hardliner
She has her own purpose driven destiny to fulfill
God gave her to you to take care off
Not to shape and mold into your design
How is she to grow and develop into the bright
Caring and amazing woman that she promises to be
Without testing boundaries – that is what kids do
Your child’s middle name is also Back Chat – but
Her first name is Why
You cannot apply old school parenting to a Why child

Yeh – Hardliner will admit that she has lambasted
Her daughter for challenging her decisions on occasions
When could have sat her down and talked to her
Kids like to feel that their emotions and feelings matter
And being a Why child herself –
Hardliner did not like the ‘do it as I say and keep quiet’
Parenting style of her Granny either
And yet here she is – forcing her insecurities
Down her child’s throat?
Lawd have mercy – she moans
Quite overwhelmed by the grave she has dug up
This is too much to process

If you could not handle this grave
You would not be here – her Irates point out

War cry moment? – Hardliner answers her own question

Then rebel yell mama!

With an infusion of strength and courage into her spine
Hardliner picks up her shovel
She decides to take a page from the Game of Thrones
Wheel breaking Daenerys Targaryen
And shatter this here parenting wheel she inherited
Because her daughter deserves more
It never dawned on her before that Kids like
The grown ups have Egos –
By large children are self-centred beings
They have to be taught to be considerate and compassionate
They have to be guided through the Ego driven years
Of childhood and the hellish years of adolescence
Children are unable to recognise and deal with
An uprising of Ego based thoughts and emotions
Heyul – grown folk have still have trouble
With recognising their Ego’s bad behaviour
And far more trouble to actually rise above it
It is Sista gurl’s responsibility to teach her child
How to process her feelings – as well as the
Manner in which expresses them
So there will be times when the bark of a command
Will have to fold into an explanation
Because her daughter is worth it

Wow – this grown up reasoning Boo
Her Irates commend

Don’t get it twisted – Hardliner aint gon practice
Free range parenting
Sista will still snatch that kid up when she has too
Kids also need structure – clearly defined boundaries and discipline
So – Sista’s parenting wheel will be a blend of
Old school and the ‘in your feelings’ new age approach
No child gon come up outta her house ill-bred

Hardliner wipes her forehead with the back of her hand
This grave digging is a funky ass business
The soul sweating kind that has left her feeling light
Almost empty – actually

Then fill it up Boo
A great part of your womanhood is being a mother
This is your mothering space – fill it with substance
Be the mother you are meant to be
Purposeful
Vulnerable
Humble
Brave
Smart
Wise
Compassionate
Loving
Disciplined
Calm
And Boo – read – research
There is so much information out there
Your little diva is worth it

Her ocean is serene – with its waters
Gently lapping against the shore
A vision of a glorious sunrise enters her dome
This is indeed a new day for sista gurl
Illustrating to Hardliner that it is never too late
For a do over – in making a conscious decision to parent differently
Albeit she still does not have all the right answers
But then again which parent ever does
She releases sigh tinged with resignation
So then it is trial and error parenting
With blind faith in God
A scary proposition for a control freak

Enjoy the sunrise Hardliner – you will do just fine
Her Irates reassure her
And enjoy the ride with that little diva of yours
It will get bumpy – but there will never be a dull moment

No shit!